"The Great War is here."
Hello everyone!
But anyway.
Making sure I don't miss my weekly Game of Thrones blog, I come bearing gifts, which is the review for the fourth episode of the season, The Spoils of War! And dang, we're already past the halfway point now, only three more to go.
How fast does time fly, right?
And man, if you just look at these episodes, it's like we can never get enough, which is probably the point.
After all, there is only one Iron Throne.
Going back to their rather trusted scheme at this point, which is to say, a very low number of locations but more time spent at said locations, I'm quite liking the finished products that the showrunners are giving us. Not to mention the fact that it's a whole lot easier to pay attention ...
But then again, half the locations are unnecessary anymore because there's no one there to see!
Because, you know, Elaria Sand is captive, Olenna Tyrell is dead, Yara Greyjoy is also MIA with her uncle being the annoying crazy person of the show when Cersei's too busy paying off debts.
What else is new?
Let's start the actual review.
King's Landing is only briefly mentioned in this episode when Mark Gatiss quite happily says that the Iron Bank will gladly continue its business with the Lannisters once they have the gold the Lannisters already owe them - which, at that moment, is on the way from Highgarden, but not actually in the city yet at the time of the conversation. Cersei has other issues, anyway, namely making sure the continent is subjugated and under her dainty heel.
Well. Mostly dainty.
A massive chunk of the episode's action once again takes place at Winterfell, where there's firstly a rather disturbing scene between Bran and Littlefinger, but equally it's kind of funny.
See, Littlefinger is trying to do the same thing he always does - which is get information or play for information or whatever - but he's chosen Bran as the recipient this time, handing over the dagger which was originally used in the failed assassination attempt against Bran (way back in season one, don't you know) and basically waiting to see if he's going to get anything.
To which Bran just looks at him weirdly and says that chaos is a ladder.
And Petyr Baelish does a very inelegant "Murr?" in response, because that's usually HIS statement of the week. Also, Bran creeps him out, but that's beside the point as Bran creeps everyone out.
At the other side of the castle, Arya arrives and has to deal with some idiot soldiers who remind me of those two troopers-turned-pirates in Pirates of the Caribbean, arguing for so long that she literally just walks away and into the family crypt, where Sansa finds her and the sisters have a tense sort of reunion, but all the same ...
Still alive, b*tches!
Sansa apparently thinks Arya survived all these years by being a little kid. Luckily for us all, Arya gives a perfect demonstration of just how much she's grown up when she tells Podrick (that handsome stud of King's Landing; he's still around, yes) to never fight someone like Brienne in the first place, proceeding to fight her herself, and showing both Sansa and Littlefinger that there's another player on the board who isn't going to fall for flattery or politics.
She WILL add your name to her list if you piss her off, though.
She WILL add your name to her list if you piss her off, though.
Also, Brienne was totally #impressed.
Back south again to Dragonstone, where Dany and Missandei share a gossipy moment about just what, exactly, happened between Grey Worm and Missandei (many things, let's quote them; also, apparently, there is no marriage in Naath and so the concept of bastards is foreign to them, confusing Missandei as to why Jon Snow isn't Jon Stark) before Jon interrupts and offers to show Daenerys the dragonglass before they start hacking it apart for weapons.
Dany is #impressed, but more so, Jon shows her the symbols that the Children of the Forest carved into the chamber, signaling that they had been here with the First Men and they fought side by side, as Jon and Dany should, but of course Dany says she'll only do that when Jon bends the knee.
That mantra is getting SO old.
In any event, they get interrupted by the arrival of Tyrion and Varys with news of last week's disaster at Casterly Rock, sending Dany into a rather pissed-off session, because now she has no allies left on the continent, no food or money, and Jon's two seconds away from killing Theon Greyjoy once he brings word about the fleet's demise, but hey, he's a good guy, he'll let Theon live because he helped save Sansa at the end.
Word.
Jon also tactfully wants to make his retreat from this hasty war council on the beach, but Dany tells him to stay put because he's her only ally left - and isn't that a trump card for Jon to play? He doesn't HAVE to bend the knee now. He just has to tell her the North won't fight for her if they can't have a king, because you know he'll throw that onto the table sooner or later.
Meanwhile, everyone and Ser Davos is wondering why these two don't solve their issue like these problems usually get resolved.
Here comes the bride ...
Here comes the bride ...
After all, even Davos points out that Jon's been checking out Dany's "good heart".
So THAT's what they call it in Westeros!
But anyway, Jon points out to Dany that, much as the people who've come with her over the sea follow her because she's done the impossible, if she razes the castles and lands with dragon fire here in Westeros, she's no better than what the other rulers were and are still doing, just more of the same, cautioning her against doing something very reckless.
It helps - marginally, because instead of heading directly for King's Landing, where Tarly says that the gold has now been stored but the grain wagons are lagging behind, Dany takes Tyrion and the Dothraki and attacks the wagon train.
And this is time for the age old question: what came first, the ululating Dothraki, or a pissed-off dragon queen on a big-ass dragon?
Dragon. Always a dragon.
Jamie puts on a brave face and says they can hold the line. Bronn takes one look at the fire-breathing monster coming their way and starts saying his Hail Marys.
I'm with Bronn on this one.
I'm with Bronn on this one.
Drogon sets to barbecue everything in his path, zeroing directly on the grain wagons because Dany's logic is actually pretty sound: no food for her, no food for Cersei. Spoils of war and all that. If we have some crispy critters in between, no one'll miss them.
Jamie stares in horror at the devastation the dragon wrecks on his army, and you can bet Cersei will just think he's being a wimp once he tells her about his PTSD nightmares.
But that dragon knows what he's doing.
Sadly, so does Bronn with that crossbow thing they constructed, and one bolt actually hits Drogon in the shoulder (while I hastily choke back a shriek, remembering I'm sitting by an open window and I don't need any neighbours to come running to check if I'm still alive).
That would be the end of the crossbow, however, as Drogon gives it a good burning and a whack of the tail, while Dany tries to pull the shaft from his shoulder. On a hilltop, overlooking the carnage, Tyrion is trying not to be sick that he unleashed this on his countrymen, quietly begging his brother - because lord knows only Jamie's still on a big white horse down there - to run away and not attack Dany while she's vulnerable on the ground.
Vulnerable being the key word as, when Jamie charges her with a spear, he gets a first-seat view down Drogon's throat as the dragon swings his head around to charr him.
Luckily, Bronn or Dickon (that would be the Tarly kid Jamie can never remember the name of) jump and push him off his horse, but unluckily, Jamie goes head-first into the lake they'd been skirting, and with all his armour on, plus that golden hand, the last we see of the Kingslayer is him slowly sinking towards the bottom.
Does he get fished out? Or is he left for fish bait?
Tune in next week.
xx
*images not mine
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