"The Great War is here."
Hello everyone!
Well, we made it. Yet another season over and we all still seem to be standing. Okay, sadly, Thoros isn't with us anymore, and lamentably we said bye-bye to a lot of nameless extras who happened to tag along in just the right places to be conveniently killed, but you know what I mean.
We're almost at the hail Mary for this show!
Game of Thrones has consistently delivered, despite perhaps not having the exact political bangs going on as it did while Martin was still actively participating and the episodes were based off his actual books. Which, to be perfectly honest, is not the show's fault. The producers can't be expected to wait FOREVER until the guy finally decides how he's going to untangle the mess he created for himself.
Also, he's still around, you know, giving commentary. It's not like it's not approved.
But in any event, The Dragon and the Wolf was an episode EVERYONE looked forward to - and pretty much everyone was stoked about by the time it ended.
As with the second half of this season, the action was fairly condensed in terms of location because, let's be real, there's no point paying attention to the Citadel or Higharden or Dorne when EVERYONE WHO'S ANYONE is converging on King's Landing.
Side-note, Dubrovnik probably hasn't had this much of a star-studded assault on its streets since the earlier seasons.
Anyway, we start off this whole thing at, where else, King's Landing, or more accurately on the walls of the King's Landing where yours truly Bronn and Jamie are eyeing Daenerys' army of Unsullied who have, somehow, gotten here in time. Then again, they didn't have ANYTHING to do at Casterly Rock, so I suppose marching over was the most interesting thing for them all season long. Plus they were accompanied by My Little Pony extras (and a whole lot of them at that).
Team Dragon makes a landing with the future love boat (you'll get the reference soon enough) and we're awarded with the first round of reunions, including but not limited to Bronn and Tyrion, Podrick Payne, and Brienne and the Hound.
Side-note #2, Brienne also seems to have availed herself of travelling with style using Air Westeros.
But of course this isn't even close to what we want to see, because once in the Dragonpit (more on this later), as Team Lion sweeps in with Cersei at the head, suddenly everyone around the globe collectively sits up.
This is it.
Yes, I'm so totally talking about #Cleganebowl.
And oh, sure, this is totally the meeting we've all been waiting for, of the crowned heads and captain to sit down and have a chat of just what, precisely, they want to do with themselves and the empty castles after seven years of war.
But #Cleganebowl. Your argument is invalid.
Of course, we're still one person short, and Dany knows just how to piss Cersei off by sailing in on Drogon (who, I swear, keeps getting bigger with every episode; what do they keep feeding him, unspecified extras off-screen??) and sauntering into the meeting all casual like. Oh, you don't have a big-ass dragon to fly with? So much better than Air Westeros, economy class.
Anyway.
The meeting does not get off to a good start, but that's mostly because everyone loves to hear each other talk (Euron being told to sit down and shut it by Cersei is probably one of my favourite things behind Tyrion slapping Joffrey, though). I mean, you know it's bad when Jon airs his apocalyptic prediction for the nth time.
We get it, Jon. We really do.
Obviously, this won't work, and neither will Dany's promise not to attack (and raze to the ground) King's Landing while they're dealing with Old Horned Dude up North. Cersei, duh, doesn't believe this.
Time for a Halloween trick!
The Hound opens his box-o-lanterns and POP! goes the Wight, straight at Cersei.
I have never loved anything as much as I loved seeing the freaked-out expression Team Lion collectively wore at that one.
Not to mention the follow up as Clegane cheerfully chops the thing up, and it stills keeps moving, until Jon demonstrates the proper way to kill a Wight (don't try this at home, kids, adult supervision required). Tiny print in the user manual: if Team Dragon doesn't kill Old Horned Dude, they'll all turn into a great big Fellowship of the Popsicles going after Cersei faster than Gollum ever ran after his precious Ring.
Naturally, it's time for the rats to abandon ship. Euron pointedly asks if the Wights can swim, and for some reason still unknown to anyone, they really don't love water.
"Perfect," says the greatest captain of the fourteen seas, "see y'all again NEVER!"
Anddd he heads off into the blue. Probably the only thing he's ever done that made me smile.
Side-note #3: he still has Yara and wants Theon to switch sides, but don't worry, Theon has a bro-talk with Jon, who gives him his blessing to go save his sister. No Ironborn has ever been born to withstand a crotch shot, but Theon can do it, and off he goes! Let's hope Yara appreciates being rescued ... eventually.
Things then take a downward spiral as Cersei wants Jon to remain neutral after the war resumes (and it's telling that she's not asking him to bend the knee; at least Team Lion has figured out it might be good to have at least some more cannon fodder between them and the Popsicle Zombies), and of course, because every Stark anywhere has always played for the team, bent the knee and ... HA got you there for a second. Of course Jon says no, he's pledged to Dany, which basically means any truce is off, and everyone is angry at him when Cersei storms out of the Pit.
Dude, did you not hear what Sansa told you? You're even stupider than Ned Stark, and that's saying something.
Then it's time for some one-on-one meetings, at which point Jamie and Tyrion silently agree their sister is nuts, but Tyrion goes in anyway and almost gets himself killed by the Mountain. But another telling this in all this is that Cersei actually doesn't give the kill order. Instead, she keeps palming that belly of hers and makes him figure out she's pregnant, but what exactly they agree to AFTERWARDS is anyone's guess, because the camera rolls elsewhere.
This could mean trouble, or worse.
Meanwhile, still out in the Pit, Jon and Dany have a little chat, and we figure out why this place was important to the Targaryens. This was where they chained their dragons (probably because, you know, most of them were feral killing machines) and eventually they grew smaller, and weak, and the Targaryens lost whatever dragon and fire magic they possessed. I suppose not even Jon can argue with a proven fact, although it does make me wonder just how much riders and dragons were actually connected. There's got to be something in the blood, after all. Still, the topic shifts to Dany's inability to have children, and Jon, the I-know-nothing Jon, is the one who points out, first among the lot ever, that maybe the witch who told Dany she won't be able to have kids might not have been a valuable source of information. You know, death throes and all that.
What do you know, wearing all that fur in King's Landing actually sharpens Jon's brain and doesn't melt it. Everyone else pretty much fainted at the sight of him cooking inside it.
Team Lion marches back in, and Cersei tells the lot of them that she's fighting with them against Old Horned Dude.
Say what now?
Of course we later learn she doesn't mean this, because when has Cersei ever meant anything she said? At least not when it comes to anyone outside her family. And this is why she's not meant to be queen - she cares for no one else. Bad ruler, very bad. In any event, Jamie's angry, because another thing we learn is that he's loyal. That's the one defining trait he has, as a knight: he keeps his promises, outside the Lannister ones. So while Cersei is machinating and actually having Euron pick up her own mercenaries (The Golden Company), doing nutty things for her family, like she promised, he's going to go off North and fight, like he promised. Not even the Mountain can stop him - and besides, we've already learned earlier that actually killing a family member is way beyond Cersei's power. That's HER defining trait and Achilles' heel, you see: family.
In any event, while Jamie's trudging his way North (and snow actually starts falling in King's Landing), there's trouble cooking at Winterfell.
Sansa is pissy because Jon didn't consult her about bending the knee to Dany (at which point someone should remind her that just because she's holding the North doesn't mean Jon has to answer to her; would it have been polite to let her know? Sure, but not exactly necessary) while Littlefinger slithers around and suggests that Jon can be unmade as king. This doesn't go over so well since Sansa points out Arya's a Faceless Man now, whereas Littlefinger says she's probably here to kill Sansa, steal her face, and become Lady of Winterfell herself.
This cals for a meeting in the Great Hall.
Where, in probably one of the best scenes of the show (ranker right up there with the dragons and King in the North declarations), the Starks turn the tables on Littlefinger: it takes him about five minutes to figure out that, instead of Arya, HE'S actually the one on trial.
Sansa presides; Bran supplies the damning evidence; and Arya knifes him.
Thank you for all your many lessons, Lord Baelish. We will never forget them.
This is just the thing to bring the Starks closer together, and we can now reveal Littlefinger overplayed his hand: he should have known better. In the end, Arya has always hated one thing, and one thing only, which was becoming a lady as her mother wanted. She hated pretty dresses and all the feminine things, something Sansa knew well - and remembered.
While the sisters bond, a guest unlooked-for arrives at Winterfell.
Another frequent flier at Air Westeros, Sam Tarly meets up with Bran, and the two of them discuss the ins and outs of Harry Potter. Er, wrong universe. They talk about Three Eyed Ravens, and the Tower of Joy, followed by a wedding no one previously knew about (also see above, Lyanna's outfit is pretty interesting ... supposedly a fierce Northerner, she's wearing something a whole lot more like someone from Dorne might, or even Margaery, and that crossed-over thing on her torso makes me think about Padmé's Mustafar clothes) They also reveal that Rhaegar Targaryen had zero imagination for baby names (how did no one murder him in his sleep for this?), because he named TWO of his sons Aegon.
Yes, Jon's actual name is Aegon the n-th Targaryen, and the Iron Throne is his by right. Robert's Rebellion was built on a lie, and he needs to know the truth (it would have been convenient that someone told all this to Jon before his cruise on the love boat as he and Dany go skin-to-skin, but oops). Who'll tell him though? He'll have all that happy-happy glow on him when he gets to Winterfell, and we all know how hard THAT is to achieve.
Finally, over the Wall Old Horned Dude has given Ice Viserion rocket fuel to drink, because in a vision Bran has (coincidentally, he can't just see or go ANYWHERE in time, he has to know what he's looking for) he sees Tormund on top of the Wall at Eastwatch when Ice Viserion comes and spews his ice fire into the thing.
Side-note #4: so THAT'S what an ice dragon packs in its arsenal!
Farewell, brave block of ice! You'll never be forgotten.
Now the Wall's down, and it's free pickings for the Popsicle Zombies.
Side-note #5: people are complaining only magic could bring down the Wall. I'm asking you what's more magical than a dragon who hatched from an egg it had hybernated it for YEARS until Dany stuffed it into a fire and burned a witch at the stake for it?
And that's a wrap!
It's been a bumpy ride this season, and we don't know yet whether season eight, the last, will air in 2018 or 2019, since it all depends on a lot of things, but certainly we're all itching for new episodes already. After all, what did Tyrion and Cersei actually agree on? Will Daario bring the Second Sons to Dany's aid once he hears about The Golden Company? What will Sansa's face be when she sees the White Walkers and figures out Ramsay Bolton might have been a better option? And who's going to destroy Jon's happy place when they tell him he fell for his aunt?
I suppose patience is a virtue for a reason. But damn, can it be 201- already?
xx
*images not mine
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