"The Great War is here."
Hello everyone!
Oh.
My.
GOD.
SERIOUSLY.
Once again, some of my friends have complained nothing much happened in this week's Game of Thrones episode. I'm not entirely sure we're watching the same show anymore ... EVERYTHING HAPPENED THIS WEEK.
It isn't about the battles. It's not about who dies. It's about the people still living and breathing who're moving around the chessboard, and the declarations and revelations that keep hitting one after another and make me feel like I'm in one of those amusement parks trying to hold on for all it's worth. The episode titled 'Eastwatch' was EVERYTHING. And here's what happened.
Looking at my notes which seem like a five year old might have scribbled them since I was writing on tiny square scraps in the near-darkness (but have now corralled and written them out on a big sheet so I see what's going on, thank you very much), it's obvious that there was a whole lot more jumping around in Eastwatch than the previous few, something that helps with the disoriented and a bit frazzled feeling that works quite well with the general theme of the show at the moment.
Like, you know, there's this big, gigantic army of undead coming down that wants to eradicate everyone, and the Houses of Westeros are squabbling like kids on the playground. But hey, no big deal, the Night King can probably freeze the Iron Throne for his cold butt and make it an armchair once he's done!
Also, dragons.
It took me a little to organise everything by location this week, but I HAVE managed, and for the sake of us all I'm going to keep my fingers crossed I make sense by the time this recap is over. Because, my word, how do these writers stay sane while plotting everything out?
If we begin where we left off last week - which is, tin can Jamie sinking down into the lake on the road to King's Landing after the stupidest move he's made since the Bran incident - Bronn fishes his metallic-hand friend out of the water and basically tells him all bets are off where dragons are concerned. And shouldn't a high lord's son kind of know better than to, say, want to try and skewer someone standing close to a big ass dragon?
Basically, Bronn gives Jamie a "Daf--- you doin', bro?" and Jamie figures he's going to have to tell Cersei about this. Big gulp.
Meanwhile, over on the other side, Daenerys rounds up the survivors while Tyrion walks over something that looks like Pompeii post the volcanic erruption, feeling a little bit sick since, you know, these are his countrymen and all. But considering Drogon is presiding over the meet-up like an overgrown lizard that just so happens to BBQ to perfection (did we order originally or extra crispy?), any other argument is invalid.
Dany gives the lot of them a choice - her favourite words: bend the knee, and she'll let them live. Otherwise, they die.
Drogon gives a good Hightower from Police Academy 4 impression (the German shepherds scene) when he roars at the lot to BEND. THOSE. KNEES. MEOW.
They do. Except for the two Tarlys who somehow survived the massacre, and Daenerys stays true to her word: they die. Drogon charrs them to piles of ash. Farewell, brave souls, but I can't say I expected any other outcome. Here I thought only Starks were allergic to knee bending.
Speaking of Starks; things aren't going so well in Winterfell, where the ridiculous Northerners are now complaining because Jon is doing what he needs to do in the South, and appear to want to throw their lot behind Sansa, while Sansa doesn't do much to dispute this other than say she's holding the North for Jon. Lukewarm, at best.
Arya is annoyed with Sansa about that - and turns out the little sister knows what Sansa wants.
WHAT DOES SANSA WANT?
We still don't know. But it's bad, bad enough that they can't say it out loud. Major gulp.
Of course Arya doesn't stop there, but spies on Littlefinger, uncovering a message he seems to be hiding, having confiscated it from the Winterfell Maester's records, but in it, it reveals a message Sansa was forced to write to Robb way back when Joffrey was still alive, to bend the knee, etc. etc.
I have a vague recollection of her actually writing this, sort of naively, with Cersei dictating. But equally, because Littlefinger KNOWS Arya's seen this message, it could either be a trap, or his way to drive a wedge further between the sisters. Why? Let's look at the actual message (which someone studiously copied down and I found online, because, #interwebz).
'Robb, I write to you with a heavy heart. Our good king Robert is dead, killed from wounds he took in a boar hunt. Father has been charged with treason. He conspired with Robert’s brothers against my beloved Joffrey and tried to steal his throne. The Lannisters are treating me very well and provide me with every comfort. I beg you: come to King’s Landing, swear fealty to King Joffrey and prevent any strife between the great houses of Lannister and Stark. Your faithful sister, Sansa'
What does this mean? That Sansa looks like she's on the Lannister side. With Arya already mistrustful about how she's handling the North, this might be the linchpin that sets the Starks further apart, and drives Sansa towards Littlefinger as her only ally left.
You have to admit, the man has #skillz.
In King's Landing, a VERY freaked out Jamie finds his sister and hammers home that ONE dragon, those scorpion things Cersei devised firing at it, decimated their army and that no mercenarys are going to fight against the Dothraki (also, which mercenaries are left? Daario and the Second Sons are under Dany's employ at the moment, sitting in Meereen; who else is out there?) who are #savage. So, honestly, this isn't a war they can win, something that Jamie figured while watching that huge dragon do his thing.
Oh, and also, Olenna killed Joffrey. No big deal.
Cersei is all for taking up more arms against Daenerys, but this changes after an impromptu meeting of Tyrion and Jamie (orchestrated by yours truly, Bronn), where Tyrion delivers terms of an armistice from the Dragon Queen, and Cersei accepts them.
This gives her time to think and regroup - not a good idea - and also to bask in her impending motherhood, but even though this is a happy news, we have to remember the prophecy she was given: she'd have three children in three golden shrouds. Not exactly proof positive the fourth one is going to live, but we'll see what happens.
Meanwhile, elsewhere, Davos goes to pick up a package from King's Landing himself, aka one Gendry, bastard of Robert Baratheon, and takes him along to introduce him to Jon Snow (while simultaneously being willy enough that he'd be able to sell ice to Eskimos up north, the devil).
Jon's been kind of busy on Dragonstone, actually, meeting another Mormont (as Ser Jorah finally makes his reappearance and ripples these Jon/Dany waters because ... well, because) among other things. This is before their brilliant plan of sending Tyrion to negotiate with Jamie, as we first see Tyrion and Varys drinking in the throne room and Varys says they need to make Dany listen to them and not burn any more people or she'll become like the Mad King, for real.
The plan?
Let's go find ourselves one of them White Walkers, bag him, tag him, and drag him to Cersei to convince her the biggest threat is coming from the North. And, actually, let's give her this armistice so she sits tight while we go do this since we can't afford a war on two fronts right now.
Side-note: I considered this idea myself at the beginning of the season. Not sure whether this constitutes as my brilliance or as a lazy/predictable move on the producer's part.
Jorah and Jon volunteer for the job, and both are men Dany kind of has #feels for, so what's she going to do now? Not sure I have any good suggestions for her at the moment, especially seeing as, upon her return from burning everything around King's Landing, Drogon goes all wiggly puppy as he lands in front of Jon and lets the King in the North rub his snout.
Now, let's quickly recap: these dragons are BIG. They're SCARY. And generally speaking they don't let anyone but Dany near them, because, Targaryen blood.
BUT.
Now Jon's touched one. Like actually PETTED one like it was just an overgrown dog. So let's leave him up there in the North with his crazy idea of grabbing the White Walker (accompanied by the merry men of Mormont, Gendry, Tormund, the Hound, Thoros, and Dondarrion, who made their way to Eastwatch-by-the-Sea, too, for this same purpose apparently) and focus on the petting. And let's remember that SOMEONE ELSE also managed to go to the dragons and not get eaten.
Tyrion Lannister.
If you recall, the two other dragons, who unlike Drogon stayed with their mother, were locked under the pyramid while Dany was in Meereen. Tyrion went in there while governing the city and let them loose. Now, it could just be they were intelligent enough to know he was there to set them free, but there IS a theory circulating that Tyrion is actually also a Targaryen: that the Mad King raped Tywin Lannister's wife and Tyrion was the result. It would certainly explain a number of things (like, why was HE born a dwarf while Cersei and Jamie weren't?), but we'll have to sit tight and wait this one out. Because if this is true, all of a sudden there's a whole lot of Targaryens running around.
Why do I say that, you ask?
Rounding up this review with Oldtown, the Archmaester and his cronies are reading a raven from Winterfell, sent by Bran, warning them about the White Walkers and their march, but the lot of them don't believe him, despite Sam's staunch arguments that it's all true. Otherwise, how could a cripple have survived beyond the Wall in the first place?
Anyway, Sam's fed up with everything in Oldtown, and packs up Gilly and the boy, along with his stolen stuff from the Citadel's library, and heads off to do some actual helping.
But not before Gilly makes a startling discovery, one you can miss if you're not paying attention (thank you to my friend's boyfriend for telling me to stop writing this second and WATCH).
Reading through an old Maester's notes, who recorded EVERYTHING (including how many times he needed to use the toilet), Sam doesn't pay ENOUGH attention when Gilly also off-handedly reads that the Maester "Annuled a marriage for a prince, Rheggar, and married him to someone else in Dorne".
Sam's off on a monologue; I'm off the seat on the couch trying not to shriek like a banshee.
Because the prince Gilly mis-pronounced is RHAEGAR TARGARYEN. And the annulment this Maester wrote down can only be one: declaring the marriage between Rhaegar and his first wife, Elia of Dorne, nul and void, enabling him to marry someone else.
LYANNA STARK.
This destroys every notion we ever had about Rhaegar simply kidnapping Lyanna for fun and because he wanted her; by an official annulment, it also means any children he had by his first wife would never be able to sit on the Iron Throne. ANY CHILD HE HAD WITH LYANNA, HOWEVER, WOULD.
This does a number of things in one swoop: one, it tells us Rhaegar was making big, political moves behind his father's back, two, it abolishes the idea of him abducting and raping Lyanna, and three, IT MAKES JON AN ACTUAL SON TO A GREAT HOUSE AS OPPOSED TO A BASTARD. Because by marrying Lyanna, Rhaegar legalised the union and Jon was his son and heir by the time the Prince went to die on the Trident and Lyanna died giving birth to him. This means the Iron Throne is HIS BY HEREDITARY RIGHT.
Not Cersei's, not Dany's, certainly not Robert's; but JON'S.
Forget about the Red Wedding. This is the biggest meteor to hit the news stands since Donald Trump decided to run for POTUS.
The Targaryen family symbol is a three-headed dragon; Dany has three dragons; there are, in theory at least, three Targaryens running around Westeros at the moment. TWO of those are confirmed, signed and delivered.
The game of thrones just added a hell of a ride to its already-crazy amusement park.
"Nobody mind me; all I've ever done is live to a ripe, old age."
Ser Davos Seaworth
xx
*images not mine
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