"Dead men tell no tales."
Hello everyone!
Like, for instance, Pirates of the Caribbean.
I haven't been in the Pirates' mood in a while, certainly not for a bit before AXN decided to put the first four movies of the franchise into its regular programming, which then meant that, every time you tuned in to that channel, one of them was playing at some point or other.
I'm not complaining.
I also did a blog post about At World's End a while ago, and I'll link that one at the bottom.
But last week was my birthday, and to treat myself, I (and my girl friends) went to see the fifth installment of the series, Dead Men Tell No Tales, or as it's alternately known, Salazar's Revenge.
Okay, first up, let me come clean about something: I didn't realize there were different titles for this thing.
I just thought it was Dead Men, because when the news broke for the fifth movie, EVERYONE was excited about it and the connection back to the previous ones (if you recall, after the gang fall over the edge of the world, the last sentence against the black screen actually IS 'Dead men tell no tales'). It wasn't until I was sitting there vibrating with excitement as the title rolled across the screen that I figured it was named something else.
Eh. Who cares. It's just a name.
ANYWAY.
We start off the movie with a young Henry Turner (joke's on me here because, up until VERY late in the game I didn't even figure this was Will and Elizabeth's son during movie promotion - I'm blonde sometimes, I admit) and a wall full of stuff like 'Father's curse' and maps and pictures. This gives us a clue as to who he is, but then of course he goes and paddles out to drown himself in the sea (tying rocks to his legs, natch) and lands aboard what has to be my favourite ship of all time: the Flying Dutchman.
Yes, yes. The Black Pearl, yada, yada, yada.
Have at her. I want the Dutchman.
Here's where we run into an old fan favourite, looking a little worse for wear: one William Turner, who tells his kid to stop messing around and go back to his mum, and that the curse binds him to the Dutchman forever. Henry swears he'll find a way to free his dad, but Will cuts him loose and the ship goes under once again (fan fact #1: what IS it with this Dutchman curse? What we know so far is that the ship must always have a captain, that Calypso originally tasked Davy Jones to ferry souls of those dead at sea to the other side, for ten years, and be allowed ashore for one day afterwards. We also know that when Jones went rogue, he turned into a squid as punishment. But knowing Will as well as we do, we can honestly say he probably wouldn't be breaking the rules set for him, as he does have a hefty amount of honour, so why, exactly, is he covered with shells and corals? Is that just a side effect for going underwater? Or is there more to the curse than we know?)
Years later, we meet with Henry again aboard a different ship as a sailor, with the navy following hot on the heels of a pirate vessel, but he recognises the spot they'll be sailing into is the Devil's Triangle, and cautions the captain against it.
For his troubles, he earns the mark of a traitor, but also survives Captain Salazar's attack on the ship (because the jolly zombie always leaves one survivor to tell the tale, don't you know) and agrees to take a message to one Jack Sparrow.
Meanwhile, on St. Martin, a young girl named Carina Smyth is about to be hanged for witchcraft when she escapes and hides from the pursuing troops.
Said troops soon have their hands full, as Jack and company (including but not limited to Master Gibbs and tiny Martin) are on the island stealing the safe from the new island bank. In style reminiscent to Fast Five's Rio run, they lash the safe to horses and take off with the entire building dragging behind.
Unfortunately, they end up with an empty safe and the crew - what's left of it (including one Adam Brown, Ori from the Hobbit movies!) - leave Jack to his own devices, also dropping the helping tidbit that Barbossa rules the Caribbean now and has ten ships under his command, harking back to the Curse of the Black Pearl where Jack actually promised his mutinous first mate a fleet.
The unfortunate man bargains away his compass, and we learn there's MORE to that little box than we originally thought, too! If you recall, it never points north - but always to that which you desire most.
It also apparently kept Salazar and his cronies under lock and key in the Devil's Triangle, but once Jack gave it away, their prison crumbles, and they're free to venture out to see again, meaning Jack unwittingly released El Matador Del Mar into the open.
Of course, they're coming straight for him, and currently Jack is in prison where Henry finally tracks him down and is both alarmed and disgusted at what remains of the once-(in)famous pirate. On the other hand, Jack is properly horrified when he learns just who the boy is, remembering, no doubt, the trouble another Turner got him into two decades ago.
After a brief meeting with a pirate-y Paul Mccartney (who plays uncle Jack and leaves me to wonder whether anyone else musically inclined makes up Sparrow's immediate family) Jack is taken up to be killed. While Carina is about to be hanged, Jack gets strapped to the guillotine, much to his chagrin, but luckily Henry was smart enough to get help.
Gibbs and the rest come back to rescue Jack, unwittingly landing with two additional bodies as - after he and the guillotine are done playing rock-around-the-clock-ing, Jack declares that Carina and Henry will help the crew find the Trident of Poseidon.
Now, what we know by this point: Henry is searching for the Trident because it will supposedly break all curses on the sea, including his father's; Carina is searching for it because she's an orphan and the one thing her father left her that she knows of is a diary of Galileo Galilei with notes to lead her to te trident; and Jack wants it to get rid of Salazar before Salazar comes for him.
Which might be sooner rather than later, because two old friends (Mullroy and Murtogg, turned pirates at the end of At World's End) come to tell Barbossa something - or someone - is sinking his ships, and once he realizes it's Salazar, he hotfoots it directly to the nearest (actual) witch. Said witch gives him Jack's compass and he bargains with Salazar as soon as he possibly can, promising he will lead the captain to Jack in exchange for his life and the lives of his crew.
As Jack still has the Pearl in a bottle (in On Stranger Tides, Blackbeard turned her tiny and stuck her in there, monkey Jack included), any other ship will probably gain on him soon.
But not before we learn just what is driving Salazar - years before, before even the events of the Curse of the Black Pearl, he was literally El Matador Del Mar, hunting down pirates. And he would have succeeded if a young man named Jack, gaining possession of his famed compass from his dying captain, hadn't led him into the Devil's Triangle, cursing him to remain there as some unexplained circumstance. As he was hanging out of the nest and teasing Salazar at the time, it was there that he got his nickname, 'the Sparrow'.
Said Sparrow is currently in a rush to get to dry land since Salazar is gaining on him, and the zombies can't get on land, at which point we're treated to some zombie sharks hunting him, Henry and Carina to the island where they are captured by the inhabitants and Jack finds yet another person who doesn't like him - and wants him to marry his sister.
Luckily, Barbossa happens on the scene and saves the trio, then declares he's double-crossing Salazar, too, because he's going after the Trident with the one ship faster even than Salazar's.
It just so happens Barbossa has the remaining part of Blackbeard's sword needed to return the Pearl to her former glory, and the crew board it under Barbossa's command (fan fact #2: it's funny how these two keep bickering about who'll captain this one ship), heading straight for the map Carina has figured out - the stars forming the actual Trident in the sky will lead them to the island where it's located.
At this point it should be noted that, not only are they being hunted by Salazar, but the Royal Navy is also hot on their trail with David Wenham portraying the commander who wants the Trident for the British (fan fact #3: I think they were trying to recreate Jack Davenport's Norrington in this character, but it was a bit poorly executed and he only really served as fodder for Salazar & Co who devoured them as soon as they landed in their path). So with pursuit right behind them, Barbossa orders Carina to stay on her course no matter what happens - including a zombie attack when the ships draw side to side.
Fan fact #4: where the bloody hell was the Dutchman during all this, you ask? I have no idea. You'd think this would warrant an appearance, but it looks like Captain Turner was busy elsewhere at the time.
Prior to the attack, we also learn another startling thing: Barbossa recognises the diary Carina carries, and Jack puts together something else, as well - her last name. It's revealed that Barbossa had a thing with a woman named Margaret, but she unfortunately died, leaving baby Carina with the pirate captain. As she's about Henry's age, this would be post-At World's End when Barbossa was just transitioning from pirate to privateer in His Majesty's Royal Navy, so he did what he thought was best: he left her at an orphanage with that diary, which conveniently had a big ruby on the front, hoping it would make her life easier.
No time for sentimentalities during the attack though, as Carina sights land just in the nick of time and the zombie pirates all withdraw back to the Silent Mary - all save Salazar, who grabs Henry on the way.
Knowing the Trident is their only hope, Barbossa, Jack and Carina head ashore to the mineral-covered island, where the ruby from her diary is revealed to be part of a bigger formation, which, once joined again, parts the sea a la Moses and opens the location of Poseidon's grave.
Salazar, however, has other plans, invading Henry's body and enabling himself to walk on land as he goes after Jack to finally kill him, and then gains possession of the Trident instead.
Carina and Henry (now released) figure that, to release the curses, one needs to break the Trident, and so Henry goes for it with Jack literally looking down the wrong end of the Trident itself. The curses break with a violent ripple through the oceans, and the zombies become human again, but the grave is also closing now, rapidly.
Luckily, it's Barbossa to the rescue! Finally free of all the gilded trappings we've seen him in since movie four, he's back to the way he used to be in the first three movies, just in a regular set of clothes, sans wig, and lowering down into the gap on the Pearl's anchor to get our heroes out of there (fan fact # ... I'm losing count: it's memorable that it's Barbossa doing this, because as captain of the ship he could have ordered literally anyone onto the anchor, or lowered just the anchor itself, but it's BECAUSE he's captain - and because of Carina - that he's going into uncharted territories himself with no way of knowing whether he'll live. Then again, this is also the man who famously shouted 'Dying is the day worth living for!' back in the day).
Unfortunately, Salazar's right behind them, to the shock and horror of the crew he abandons and leaves behind in his quest for vengeance.
The anchor team stumbles, causing Carina to slip, but Barbossa catches her, in the process revealing an intersting tattoo on the inside of his right arm: the trident-stars Carina has been looking at all her life on the diary cover. We've never seen Barbossa unclothed in any way, so this is the firs time we ever would have seen it, really (also, did he get it done in memory of the girl he left behind with that diary, or what?), and Carina finally makes the startling connection between the grumpy old pirate and herself, starting what are probably the most memorable lines of the movie: "What am I do you?"
To which Barbossa, looking so proud and happy and tender I just about burst into tears, answers: " Treasure." (Fun fact: considering he was at this point the richest pirate in existence, that's saying something.)
Salazar is still gaining on them, however, and while Henry looks shocked and properly Turner-incompetent (half the time it was Elizabeth doing the rescuing, if you recall), Jack senses the outcome and grabs the boy's sword, shouting for Barbossa and dropping it down to him (it should be noted that I've never heard Jack refer to Barbossa as anything but that, except on extremely rare occasions, but this time it was clearly Hector!, as a gesture of farewell). Barbossa secures Carina, lets go, and stabs Salazar on his way down, taking him along.
Then, to the complete shock of the audience, he disappears as the water closes around him.
Thus ends on of the most beloved characters of the entire franchise, and I'll admit, I sniffled. The rest of the crew are just as shocked as the people watching this movie in cinemas, and they all remove their hats in silent farewell to the man they'd known and served under, in some capacity or other, for decades. Carina, having found her father and lost him in almost the same instant, is shell-shocked, but after being reunited with the diary Barbossa originally left her (skillfully retrieved by Jack and shuffled to Henry, because Jack knows what he's doing), proclaims she's no longer Carina Smyth - she's Carina Barbossa.
The movie ends with concluding storylines: Henry and Carina finally kiss, he is reunited with his father as the Dutchman makes port, and another fan favourite pops up on screen as Elizabeth, disbelieving, sees her husband again after who knows how long, and runs straight into his arms. In the meantime, Jack is back on the Pearl as her captain, and even makes truce with monkey Jack who returns his compass, then settles happily on his shoulder. We can probably safely assume that what was left of Barbossa's crew found its way to the Pearl.
BUT.
Post credit scene!
I forgot about this and left the theatre early, but looked it up: Will and Elizabeth are asleep in bed together when someone enters the bedroom and Will wakes to a shadowy image of a claw-like hand stretching towards him. Waking completely, he sees the room is empty, and fals back asleep thinking it was a nightmare - but as the camera shifts, we see a puddle of water and barnacles under the bed, indicating someone WAS actually there.
THE END.
I'm excited by the prospect of more movies, as some statements have been made that this was just the beginning of the final adventure, and with a potential reappearance by Jones it would mean things are really turning ugly again. Jones was stabbed when Will took his place on the Dutchman, but with all curses now broken I assume the gods have more powers back, and the Dutchman itself is in limbo. What does this all mean?
Not to mention, you know Jack is going to be back. Lord knows he always ends in enough trouble to attract attention!
I honestly enjoyed this movie, more so than the fourth, probably because it really seemed to go straight back to the first trilogy and was quite alike to those in many ways. It had just the right amount of action, comedy, tragedy and pure fun to make it watchable. There are still many unanswered questions which I'm HOPING they'll cover in subsequent films, so fingers crossed!
And if you haven't seen it yet - what are you waiting for?!
xx
*images and video not mine
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