"One person is world enough."
Hello everyone!
I've had no such luck in my life BUT when I heard there was going to be a movie based off it, well, I was hooked.
Then I kind of forgot about it until I accidentally spotted something on Instagram and recalled that, yes, I kind of STILL want to watch it!
And so this past Sunday I went and sat down, and ended up laughing for about an hour and a half. My stomach muscles still hurt two days later, not to mention my face since I've also been watching all sorts of interviews with the cast online.
There's just so much sheer joy that went into making this movie, I can't even begin to describe it.
So hold on to your pants, it's time we took a little joyride down the Amazon river, and in case you haven't figured it out yet ... it's gonna be a bumpy ride! Jungle Cruise, here we go.
I'll be linking similar movies down below, as per usual, though I will say there's a heck of a lot going on in this one, but I digress.
Our story begins in the Uk where one Lily (Emily Blunt) has sent her brother MacGregor (Jack Whitehall) to present a paper she wrote to the scientific society of old dudes who won't fund an expedition to the Amazon to find the Tears of the Moon, which is supposed to be a magical tree that blooms only under special circumstances, and the petals of it can heal just about anything.
In fact, there's a legend connected to it, that a Spanish conquistador Aguirre (Édgar Ramírez) went in search of it, ended up nearly dying in the jungle, was rescued by the native tribe there who were custodians of the tree, but in his impatience to get the freaking petal started killing them. This started a chain reaction that led to the conquerors to be swallowed up by the jungle, never to be seen again.
After a run-in with a German prince (Jesse Plemons), Lily manages to abscond with an arrowhead necklace, reputedly the compass that can lead a person to the Tears of the Moon, and she and her brother take off to Porto Velho, Brazil, where they intend to hire a skipper.
Said skipper turns out to be Frank (Dwayne Johnson) who ... is lying about everything, especially the cruises he takes people on to earn money, and he's somehow gotten himself in debt with the local Italian cruise mogul or whatever he is, who Frank actually impersonates when Lily goes to find this Signore Nilo, but the entire things ends when a jaguar attacks the inn they're in and Frank defeats it.
He also notices the arrowhead that Lily's carrying, and since someone attempts to kidnap Lily at that same time and he helps rescue her (well, technically she rescues herself but he just picks up the pieces afterwards), the trio board his battered down ship and end up under attack by the same German prince who was in the UK earlier.
Only this time, he brought a submarine with him, and starts shooting at them as they make an escape out of the harbour.
Finally on the river and on the way, Frank and Lily start goading each other and getting on each other's nerves, but equally they begin to uncover more things about one another, which eventually leads to Lily discovering that Frank has a full room dedicated to the Tears of the Moon. He explains he gave up, because he's been up and down the Amazon and NEVER found the blasted tree, but Lily says he never had the arrowhead either.
So while they're bonding - and MacGregor's bonding with Frank's pet jaguar Proxima, who of COURSE didn't actually attack him in the tavern - the German goes straight for the source, someone who's seen the Tears of the Moon himself, which happens to be Aguirre, still cursed and held in the jungle. He can't leave the proximity of the river, or the jungle will claim him back, and the prince frees him on the condition they'll be working together.
This is where Frank's entire plan unravels as the trio, in the meantime, are captured by the native tribe on that stretch of the Amazon river, only for it to turn out to be yet another of Frank's little stints, but there isn't much time for Lily to be too mad because Aguirre and the two or three men left to him attack the village, killing Frank.
Lily escapes by fleeing away from the river on the advice of the chieftain, and she also eventually finds none other than Frank - who's still alive!
He then tells her the entire true story: he's actually one of Aguirre's men, his foster brother so to speak since Aguirre's father raised him in the same household. Aguirre wanted the Tears of the Moon for his ill daughter, but got impatient with waiting on the Chief 400 years ago; when the slaughter started, Frank (or, Francisco) tried to stop it and stop Aguirre, but Aguirre stabbed him and burned the village down anyway.
The Chief then cursed them, ensuring they could never leave the river but also never die either, and then for a while Aguirre and Frank kept finding each other, fighting, and Frank usually got stabbed. Eventually he grew tired of it and trapped Aguirre and the two others away from the river, which is where the German finds them and unleashes them.
Leaving an injured MacGregor behind with the tribe, Lily and Frank, finally in accord, sail up to where the tree is supposed to be located with the translation of the arrowhead scripture, drain a huge crater of water ... and find the German sub yet again, with MacGregor being held captive on it.
Frank tries to negotiate, wanting one petal for himself, but Lily wants one too, especially since the crazy German doesn't want to share it with anyone but wants to end the war (it's 1916) AND take over the world, because why not? He promises them one petal only, and Frank says Lily will have to kill him to get it - but the German doesn't know Frank can't die, so Lily agrees to the scheme.
They figure out that there's an additional element inside the arrowhead pendant, break it apart, then fix it again to start a chain reaction which has the tree blooming under the weeping moon, which won't last long so Lily "shoots" Frank, sending him falling to his apparent death, and then they head on up to get the petals they need.
Only, Aguirre and his men are ALSO here, even though the German wanted to double-cross them, and Frank rescues MacGregor before taking off to save Lily from Aguirre, which basically means sacrificing himself since there seems to be no other way - even though he and Lily have fallen in love with one another, he can't let Aguirre continue his maddened stint.
So he blocks the river and drains it, which causes the jungle to grab them all to claim them back, making them a part of the walls of the cavern. Lily, having the petal that Frank got earlier, uses it to try and resurrect him, but it doesn't seem to work so both she and MacGregor leave, brokenhearted.
BUT the petal DOES work, just needs a bit more time, and Frank comes back to life out of the wall he was trapped in, to Lily's everlasting joy. The moon also makes one last appearance from behind the clouds, allowing them to take one last petal before they leave together, and Frank gives up his entire cruise business to the annoying Italian who's been hounding him all movie (not like Frank wasn't the one who actually built Port Velho but, who's counting, right?).
They then all return to the UK, where that scientific society wants Lily as a member now with her discovery but she makes full doctor and professor at Cambridge, and MacGregor turns down the request in her name before sauntering off. Meanwhile, Lily herself has been enjoying showing Frank around, and they embark on another adventure, which is to teach him how to drive a car.
And then they all lived happily ever after, to the end of their days!
Johnson and Blunt have SO MUCH CHEMISTRY and they play off each other so well it's a hoot from start to finish. Whitehall adds just that bit of prisiness needed to make everything extra fun, but also brings some weight to the story when his character admits to being gay and that his sister was the only one who stood by him through everything, which is why he would do anything for her in return.
The supporting cast is brilliant from start to finish, but honestly it's the humour between the characters Lily and Frank that carries the weight of this movie, and the story. Somehow, even though I didn't initially want there to be a love story, Blunt and Johnson end up making it work, and I LOVED IT.
It's kind of a mix-and-mash of everything, from Pirates of the Caribbean to The Mummy, with maybe some Jumanji thrown in for good measure, but honestly, it's just a fun, laugh-out-loud kind of movie.
We don't need anything too complicated or mysterious ALL the time, so I invite you to sit back, relax, and enjoy watching the Rock sail a boat along the Amazon river, dealing with two foreigners, and a whole lot of adventure along the way.
10/10 recommend!
xx
*images and video not mine
No comments:
Post a Comment