"I live for this shit."
Hello everyone!
I'm on a Vin Diesel binge it would seem, but I remember that moment when I accidentally saw the trailer for the new Xander Cage movie and thought it looked awesome.
I never got the chance to see the first one in theatre, because, duh, it was years ago and at the time I was not necessarily considered as someone who COULD go to the movies with friends (aka, you know when parents step in with their authority ... yeah, that). This time though, it was Vin Diesel on the big screen in something else but Fast Dom!
And it was rewarding.
People are judging by the fact that everything else seemed to be overshadowed by the big names attached to the film, but me, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I mean, come on, I don't watch Fast and Furious for the reality! Same goes for the XXX movies.
So, without further ado, let's go see what Diesel blew up in XXX Return of Xander Cage.
After saving the world in the first movie, prompted to do so by none other than Samuel L. Jackson, Xander Cage is busy stealing wi-fi or satellite access so that guys can watch soccer down in the middle of nowhere. In the meantime, Samuel L. Jackson is getting himself killed while trying to recruit Neymar into his super secret agency (which I still firmly believe is way more secret than the CIA).
Anyway.
Xander is pulled out of retirement by the CIA because, lo and behold, they have a job for him. This includes (but isn't limited to) getting Pandora's Box back to them, after it was stolen from what was supposed to have been a super secret cladesdine meeting with only the invitees having the ability to enter the room.
Why is Pandora's Box so bad, you ask?
Well, for those of you unfamiliar with the name Pandora, she was the beautiful woman the Greek gods sent to Earth with one purpose: to open what we now call Pandora's Box, though it was actually a jar, probably. In any event, when she opened it, all sorts of bad things and illnesses escaped, with just a bit of hope that managed to get out before she scrambled and put the lid back on top.
This current Pandora's Box may be even worse, because whoever uses it can control any electronic device ever made by Mankind.
Does it sound familiar to what we've seen in Furious 8? Maybe ...
Xander knows he can't do this kind of job alone, however, so he recruits pretty much every good name in the book, from Ruby Rose to Nina Dobrev (plus he got the Hound to come snarl at them all!), with Kris Wu thrown in for good measure.
Fun fact: while watching this movie I was also eyeing the Wiki page for it, and the name 'Kris Wu' rang a bell somewhere. So I Wiki-ed him and messaged my sister, saying 'Oy, you know a Kris Wu guy? He's in this movie but it says here he's supposed to be a K-Pop idol.' My sister, being the K-Pop fan that she is, proceeded to fall off her bed laughing at me. Ask a stupid question ...
The gang heads to the Philippines, where they hit up with the group who stole Pandora's Box in the first place, and Xander has a startling revelation: as much as he might be attracted to Deepika Padukone's character Serena, she's actually Triple X, like him, so that means the group's gone rogue.
Unfortunately, there's no time for further acquaintances, as an invading military means all hell breaks loose, in the process of which Serena shoots the box that's giving everyone trouble.
The end, right?
Wrong.
See, the Pandora's Box they had was just the prototype - which means it wasn't the only one in play.
And what's worse, with it, the person possessing it can control any satellite ... making them big ass weapons out there in space with nothing else to counter them with.
Sounds like a bad idea?
Sounds about right!
Xander & Co head to Detroit, to try and beat the other team before they get their hands on the box and stop the megalomaniac behind it. Since this is the guy who originally called the council at the beginning of the movie, well, let's just say Triple X is annoyed to no end. They manage to take him out without killing each other in the process, and you't think THAT was the end of it all.
But NO.
The president decides to shut down Triple X as a whole, which means a lot of loose ends, and the two teams need to disappear now. Xander and Xiang, the other team leader, are annoyed, and decide to take out their CIA handler and, you know, pilot the plane into the armed satellite's path because ... well, reasons.
Xiang leaps out of the plane, while Xander is busy staying in to the last minute to be sure it actually stops shooting at his friends, who, for the duration, had been stuck getting shot at on the ground.
Special shout-out to Darius Stone (or Ice Cube) for his guest appearance, because apparently he and Xander established a failsafe just in case something like this happens, and so he ends up riding in to help save the day.
The world now FINALLY safe, the lot head to the funeral which surprisingly took a long time to plan, considering everything, but you know if it's Samuel L. Jackson he has something to say.
Surprising Xander, the man who is SUPPOSED to be dead says he faked it to ensure Triple X would be his completely, and oh yeah, he managed to recruit Neymar after all. And he needs Xander to stay active this time around so they can go blow stuff up and save the world again.
As a bonus point, he throws in a Nick Fury cameo because he's just awesome like that.
THE END
You can't say they don't know how to make entertaining movies anymore. There are films you go check out because you either want to know certain details (like The Imitation Game) or you want to clear yourtear ducts a bit and cry it out (like any self-respecting Nicholas Sparks movie). But then there are others which you should always take with a grain of salt and enjoy for the sake of enjoyment, and this was one of them. Was it completely believable? Heck, no. Was it amusing? Absolutely! And I think that's what people forget when they go see any kind of movie nowadays - the simple matter of having fun while watching something.
If there's any other Xander Cage movie in the works, you can bet I'll go see it.
xx
*images and video not mine
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