"These violent delights have violent ends ..."
Hello everyone!
A marathon being what it is, which is, a long ass run to the finish that takes some time, I hope we're all prepared for a little more trudging towards the finish.
We still have three movies out of five to go, but I'm honestly enjoying myself.
It's been literal decades since I've seen any of these, despite the fact that like I mentioned previously my mother used to watch these every single day.
Yeah, don't ask. Obsession is a thing LOL.
But without further ado, let's hop straight into the story that continues in this sequel, shall we?
Our resident broody vampire and his human love aren't going to wait much longer, and besides, Bella keeps getting older by the minute, so let's see how they continue navigating their relationship challenges in New Moon.
So after meeting Edward in Twilight and falling hopelessly in love with him after several near-death experiences, one including a ravenous vampire intent on killing her, Bella's now got bigger fish to fry.
As in, she wants Edward to make her into a vampire too, so she stops aging, and the thought consumes her so much she dreams of herself as an old grannie while he remains perpetually young.
After his gloomy ass extrapolates on how easy humans have it with suicide, which is NOT a topic I'd consider on my birthday mind you, he takes her over to his place where the other vamps have organised a little party for her. SHE may not like parties or surprises or birthdays, but they get so few occasions to celebrate that it's like, your opinion has been noted, kid, but also ignored. LOL.
And then disaster strikes in the form of a paper cut.
Anyone who's ever cut their finger knows the tiniest cut will bleed like you're missing half a hand, so I don't even blame Jasper for suddenly wanting Bella for snacks, but I feel like Edward's handling of the situation is absolutely bizarre: grab her and run her out while everyone else grabs Jasper, moron, don't yeet her into the table covered with glasses!
Anyway.
Carlisle stitches her up, Edward takes her back home, and you can already tell he's got doom and gloom all over him, which comes to fruition the next day when he tells Bella: yo it's been fun, but I'm outtie, and you can keep going with your life as if I was never here.
In fairness, he's not the worst guy for dumping her that ever lived, but then again she's so obsessed with him that she wanders around in the woods until the most horrifying shot of the entire saga pops up, of eyes and breath misting in front of a face you can't see.
I NEARLY JUMPED OUT OF MY SKIN, OKAY. Even if it is only Sam Uley, Jesus.
Then she falls into depression so deep we only get text on screen showing what months are passing, until Charlie's like, that's it, you're going back to your mom because this is terrifying, and I need a good night's sleep without you screaming the house down every night.
Instead, she goes to the movies with Jessica, who complains about a zombie movie since that's the only kind Bella can watch, then decides her former friend has to be crazy since she hops on a bike with a dangerous looking dude, only because an apparition of Edward shows up to tell her no.
This gives Bella the insane idea of getting some broken bikes and dragging them to Jacob Black so he can fix them, though a nice side effect is that she at least feels a little bit more normal for a while there.
Until she doesn't.
Until even Jake "dumps" her, after continuously telling her he'll never join Sam and his "cult", and it turns into a confrontation later because she can't leave well enough alone, punches one of the other guys in the face, and he wolfs out, aka turns into a huge ass werewolf, forcing Jake to come running and rescue her ass.
So yeah, having remembered the legends that Jake told her about in the first movie, Bella already pieced things together that he's a wolf, and he drops the helpful nugget that they killed one of the vampires that was trying to hurt her, but they're still hunting the other, having no clue what "the red head" wants.
Easy, says Bella, she wants ME.
But even with Victoria around this doesn't stop her from seeking her next dangerous high so that Edward will stick around, so even while one of the village elders gets spooked into death by Victoria herself, Bella jumps into the sea off a high cliff, nearly drowning; luckily Jake is there to tug her out.
This finally brings Alice back to town, because she thinks Bella decided to end everything, and she's furious that the girl would consider it. What about Charlie?!? (Who, it should be said, continues as Dad of the Year and I appreciate him more and more with each movie) She's also not too fond of the werewolf friend idea, and the puns write themselves at this point between the two monsters, though the fun ends as soon as the phone rings.
It's Edward, who's been in rough shape since leaving Bella, and hearing that Charlie's "arranging a funeral" after Rosalie calls him where Alice went, sends him into a spiral. Alice sees what he's planning to do - expose himself before a crowd to force the vampire police, the Volturi, to end him - so she and Bella rush to Italy, despite Jake's protests and pleas for the girl to stay.
Sorry, my guy, but it's all written on the wall already and you really should quit while you're ahead.
Bella makes it JUST in time, and she and Edward have a mini reconciliation before being dragged in front of vampire royalty, which is possibly my favourite sequence of the entire movie.
Michael Sheen as Aro is cinema gold, because the guy decided he was going to ham it up for all it was worth. Half the time, I still wonder if he's stoned high on something, but the difference when he makes Aro serious is INCREDIBLE. If you listen carefully - as you should - he speaks in very high octaves all the while, except when he REALLY wants something, at which point his voice drops, and his body goes absolutely still.
It's a master class in acting, and after a little back and forth, home reno disguised as a vampire fight, and Aro discovering he can't hear Bella at all, they decide Bella will, in fact, become a vampire, so they're free to go. Marcus even thanks them for their visit, like they just dropped in for tea, funny guy that he is.
Once home, with rules and curfews in place, Bella calls Edward an idiot and puts her life situation to a vote, and despite Rosalie and Edward vehemently against this, the rest of them vote to change her, though Edward being the dramatic ass that he is, keeps whining why they're doing this to him.
Because you're a drama king, Edward, and you keep making a mess even when you're not trying.
Jake confronts them both, reminding Edward about the treaty which clearly states how it becomes void if they ever bite a human, which Bella protests: if it's HER choice, then the treaty doesn't even apply, but of course, this is the beginning of the love triangle, and the wolf and the vamp are VERY ready to kick each other's ass, though she manages to stop them.
The movie ends with Edward asking Bella to marry him, and I still can't get over the ridiculous moment of her mouth dropping open on a gasp before credits roll.
We have more colour in the sequel, more humour that leans heavily into the vampires and werewolves thing, but we also have depression representation and how dangerous it is to be so obsessed with something or someone that you need an adrenaline high like some sort of drug fix. I remember thinking that Taylor Lautner could never transform into a proper Jacob Black, but the kid delivered and then some, and I remain impressed to this day with how he bulked up and stepped into the role.
The love story is still clear as day, and I stand by my statement that Edward Cullen is the most dramatic vampire ass that ever vampired. Come back next week for Eclipse to see how he continues that trend!
xx
*images and video not mine
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