"If we're going to survive, we'll have to trust each other."
Hello everyone!
Then again, I haven't watched Episode IX yet either, and I think that one's been some time ago.
What can I say? Apparently, I sometimes need a LOT of time haha!
But I do actually love the dinosaur movies. I was a big fan back when I first accidentally stumbled over Jurassic Park on television at some point in time, and I've continued being a fan since.
Oddly enough, I also think that my parents really like the sequel trilogy as well, which can't be said about the originals because I'm reasonably sure my father was never the biggest dinosaur fan, but for some reason is okay with these three.
To each their own, right?
Without further ado, let's just jump straight in, because we've got some ground to cover. Jurassic World: Dominion has the last word to say, too.
Now if you remember, in Jurassic World, we were first introduced to Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard) and Owen (Christ Pratt), who were working in the park legacy, an entertainment island with dinosaurs, which obviously went horribly wrong, and by Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, people were already trying to get their hands on said dinosaurs to establish a black market, including a human clone Maisie in the process (Isabella Sermon).
🎵 Naaants ingonyaaama bagithi baba ... 🎵
Four years later, we get our opening shot of Dominion and I'm reasonably sure someone's about to start singing The Lion King, but no, it's just a 65 million years ago kind of thing that shows how the T-Rex bites it, and how a mosquito drinks its blood.
A re-made (and slightly less hairy) T-Rex is currently rampaging through drive-through movies, because very obviously it doesn't like the movie choices. Come on, people, make smart choices!
Claire, meanwhile, has gone from white collar executive to fighter for dinosaur rights to breaking-and-entering as they discover illegal breeding sites and she conducts her own little save-the-dinos missions. Meanwhile, in that cabin in the woods Owen was building, Maisie's fed up with being locked away from the world and frequently ventures into town while Owen's away rounding up Parasaurolophus.
Poachers are at work too, but what's worse is they're working for someone else and have finally tracked Owen down to the cabin - which is how things go belly-up (not counting our would-be parents dealing with a moody teenager) when they kidnap Blue's baby, which she had all on her own, AND Maisie.
🎵 I did it myyyyyyyy waaaaaay ... 🎵
Claire and Owen meet with their CIA contact who tells them about a sting operation in Malta with one of their old friends, Barry (Omar Sy), so off they go, and if you're imagining all hell breaking loose in Malta ... you'd be right.
Between the dinosaurs of the underground black market getting free and starting to roam around the buffet island, and atrociraptors specifically trained (like Owen, just worse) to hunt down their targets, they learn Maisie was taken by Biosyn, InGen's successor led by Dodgson, who waaay back in Jurassic Park had Nedry steal samples for him, or attempt to in any event.
See, Biosyn is saying they've created a sanctuary for the dinosaurs in the Italian Dolomites to study them and figure out how their DNA can help with disease etc., but if we've ever seen a movie where wild creatures should be roaming, we know something's up and almost don't even need Ellie Sattler (Laura Dern) to tell us so.
She's called in to investigate some huge-ass locusts that are eating their way through the Midwest, and because she got an invite from Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum), she drags Alan Grant (Sam Neill) with her to Biosyn so they can get a comparison sample there, because she's sure that's where the locusts originate from.
What do you mean T-F*CKING-REX?!?
She's right, as proven by Ian who first pretends like he's a complete idiot, but when covered by loud noises gives her a bracelet that'll take her to the sublevels and explains something IS going on. They just need to go down and prove it.
We meanwhile e get to see that Dodgson has Dr. Wu (BD Wong) down there in the lab, and the guy looks as though he hasn't seen sunlight in about four years by this point. He's also the one who created the locusts, per Dodgson's request, and now needs Maisie and Beta (Blue's baby) to figure out a solution.
Why? Well, here's how I understood it: Maisie and Beta are the only two clones of their kind, because they were created by their mothers, but Maisie's mom also created a pathogen to change every cell in her daughter's body so as to counteract a genetic condition. My understanding is that Wu needs Maisie for the pathogen, but needs Beta to compare the two DNAs and figure out WHAT the pathogen even is (this of course opens up the can of worms about DNA comparisons, so let's not go there).
Edward Cullen's at least immortal. What's your excuse?
The story does retcon Maisie's origins a little, as in Fallen Kingdom she's revealed to be her mother's clone whom her grandfather made because he missed her so much - now it's revealed she's actually someone her mom made and carried to term, and you have to wonder why that wasn't more widely-known, considering THAT story about a baby is much more palatable than the clone one.
Retconning. It never works.
Back to the story, all paths are now converging on Biosyn as Owen and Claire hitch a ride with Kayla to the valley while Ellie and Alan are getting attacked by locusts when they go get the sample. But while our intrepid rescuers are struggling through jungle, icy waters and dinosaurs (including but not limited to a feathery sort of raptor), Alan and Ellie actually find Maisie, who released Beta and took off, and head out with her, happily helped along by Dodgson's assistant Ramsay.
Dodgson being the idiot he is, however, has them lose power in the old amber mines, where they nearly get eaten by more dinos but for the timely intervention of Ian, with a jeep, which of course doesn't end well. When have jeeps EVER been a good idea in Jurassic?
Don't. Move.
BUT this does help the two groups reunite ... and be attacked by Giganotosauros, because why not.
After a lot of screaming and Ian Malcolm chucking a flaming locust into the dino's throat, they finally make it to the connected underground tunnels, even as Dodgson orders an evacuation so all the dinosaurs (because of their neural implants) are herded towards the safe location of the research buildings.
Why an evac? I forgot to mention - Dodgson's trying to cover his tracks, so he set the locusts on fire, managed to enrage them so they got free, and have now set fire to the valley.
Our group splits up, since they need to reroute power to be able to turn an aerial defense system on so they don't get eaten by the flying dinos, and they also need to find Beta, because Owen made a promise to Blue he'd bring her home.
Both missions accomplished (with a lot of hilarity in between), they finally rendez-vous in the courtyard where they WANT to board the chopper - but the T-Rex and Giga have other ideas, thank you very much.
The humans run around like headless chickens while the dinos duke it out for supremacy (no surprise: the T-Rex wins, with some assist), and then finally take off into the air, surviving ANOTHER dinosaur disaster in the process.
In the aftermath, the valley is declared a sanctuary for the prehistoric beasts, Ellie and Alan finally get together and go to testify against Biosyn, Kayla gets a new plane, Blue is reunited with Beta and the trio return to their cabin; and Dr. Wu figures out the pathogen so he can solve the locust problem - attributing the solution to Maisie's mother.
And as for Dodgson?
Well, remember how Nedry got eaten by a Dilophosaurus back in Park? You can probably imagine the rest. And good riddance to bad rubbish!
Be sure to capture the good side.
People are complaining about this movie, or really about the whole sequel trilogy, but I liked it. I enjoyed the plentiful call-backs to the original trilogy, thoroughly enjoyed seeing the OG cast meet the newbies, and had a ball of a time with the whacky dinosaurs they cooked up for this one. Then again, I also liked Jurassic Park III, which people HATED at the time, so I guess my tastes differ haha.
It has action, it has comedy, and while yes, it does have questionable moments (Owen seems to have developed immunity to icy water while living in the wilds, for one), I also feel it brings most of the plot points full-circle.
Besides, isn't it a logical next step? After successfully getting dinosaurs back, they're FINALLY doing something else with the cloning and DNA while they're at it, though I'll admit that there was probably a slightly slicker way of integrating the OGs with the newbies. Plus, those locusts are UGLY ASS critters.
I should hate this guy but all I want is to give him a hug. What is the DEAL?!?
Also, how far have we come, when I feel sorry for WU of all people, the guy who's responsible for the dinosaurs in the first place?!?
Overall, I give this movie a solid 7.5 out of 10, and I can't wait to sit down to a marathon where I watch both trilogies back-to-back.
xx
*poster and video not mine, screencaps belong to me
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