Game of Thrones: Stormborn

"The Great War is here."

Hello everyone!

It's time for episode two! 

And boy, what an episode it was. Considering the fact that I've had some of my friends complain, or at least mutter, that the premiere of the show wasn't necessarily as explosive as one might expect from a series which keeps its viewers hanging for a full year before returning, well, let me just say Stormborn more than made up for it.

We have all the major players coming onto the board, whether directly or indirectly, some loose plotholes are being filled up, and all I'm still waiting for now is another Ed Sheeran song cover!

He IS going to be including one for the season seven official soundtrack, right?

Anyway.

As is usual for my reviews, links to the previous episode(s) will be found at the end of the blog post, so you can refresh your memory with those before jumping straight into Stormborn.

Also, let's stick with doing this by location. Because as I found yesterday while diligently making notes and watching, these people JUMP all over the place, and we have five separate major locations + one at sea but we'll include that in one of the bigger ones.

The characters though, are everywhere.

So how about we start with those who look the least connected to what's currently going on in Westeros, but will quite possibly play one of the biggest roles yet.

Namely, Sam Tarly in the Citadel, where Horace Slughorn the Archmaester is still making him tag along and carry his books and generally just using him as a footboy, but we get a better glimpse at Jorah Mormont this episode. As in, handsome Jorah ain't so handsome anymore.

Dang, the Greyscale isn't fooling around! The poor man looks like someone dumped him in one of those mudbaths then let the mud dry on him.

The Archmaester informs him that he still has years and years to live - but sadly, his brain will go way before that. Namely, six months, tops. This is like a very bad cancer prognosis! No way are we letting Jorah die!

But let's focus on Sam's face when Jorah says his surname. Like I mentioned previously to my friends 'It'll be fun once he makes the Mormont connection' and I SQUEALED through that one. Unfortunately, Sam can't do anything about it just yet since he needs to first argue with the Archmaester about a treatment for Greyscale that is apparently banned because it's so dangerous. But since, in Sam's learned opinion, Jorah is dying anyway, it's worth a shot.

Logic, Westerosi style.

This includes some VERY gross scenes I won't be mentioning, thank you very much, but the gist of the matter is that Sam won't be letting a son of Jeor Mormont die, so he'll do all he can to save him. But DOES he actually succeed?

Tune in next week.

Now from the Citadel to King's Landing, where a leopard never changes its spots. Er, or a lion his mane. Whatever.

Cersei is basically being Cersei, making Dany's victories and abolishment of slavery into crimes to put her on trial for (no one's mentioning that sept going boom, full of noblemen, but hey, who cares, right?), and pointing out they need to stand together to stop her.

At which point Lord Tarly makes a very sound observation: yo lady, the other lady got three big ass dragons. What u gonna do about 'em?

Good question, Tarly! Let's move over Jamie being Jamie not even knowing your son's name (to rehash, this is the younger Tarly kid who is better at everything than Sam, so Sam was forced to the Night's Watch) and basically trying to woo you over to their side from you being loyal to the Tyrells, and head down into the crypts.

Seriously, King's Landing is BUILT on crypts and dungeons, but in this one, we have dragon skeletons.

You read that right.

All the Targaryen dragons that perished on this side of the sea, but Cersei isn't interested in them - she's interested in this huge crossbow that her wanna-be-Maester cooked up for her. A crossbow/catapult/thing that can send a projectile (sharp, duh) straight into a dragon's skull, no problem.

Uhm. I think a little bird needs to let Varys know about this. Pronto.

Speaking of Varys.

For most of the episode he gets interrogated by Daenerys while a storm rages outside, during which the Queen shows that a) she's not as stupid as her brother, and b) that she can definitely be crueler than her daddy-o. I'm not entirely sure I like this Darth Dany right now, but then again, I'd take HER over Cray Cersei any day of the week ... what does that say about me, I wonder?

In any event, Varys isn't a fool either, and he's survived where everyone else has died, and he point-blank tells Dany that he doesn't serve the monarch but the PEOPLE, so if she has a problem with that, g'head. She can have her dragons eat him.

Nah. Dany needs him. Even though she threatens him, too, but that's beside the point.

Of course there's time for more pardons, as somehow or other, enough time has now passed that Melisandre has managed to hitchhike down to Dragonstone, where she informs everyone that Jon Snow is King in the North, and they should ally with him because, you know, Winter is here and the Night King is coming (forgot about him? HA! Good luck with that memory lapse!).

Dany agrees she's going to meet him - but she expects him to bend the knee, and I'm sort of afraid of this meeting. Because, as reluctant of a king as Jon is, he's a Stark deep down, and Starks ... don't do well with bending knees. Ever.

But flashfoward to a war council where EVERYONE BUT THEIR MOTHER (grandma made it, though, and she delivered some smackdowns) is bickering about how and where to invade Westeros.

Dany quickly puts a stop to it: let Tyrion tell them the plan.

As in, they will NOT send the dragons to barbecue the capital; instead, Tyrell and Dornish armies will cut off the supply lines and lay siege to the city, letting the lot in there starve. Meanwhile, the Unsullied will march on the seat of power I've been telling everyone needs to fall since a long time ago: Casterly Rock. If the Lannisters lose their home seat, they'll be weak enough to start yielding. Or, at least, that's the general idea.

Which is all fine and dandy, and Missandei and Grey Worm are all kinds of cute (also sexy), but we have a problem.

A BIG problem. And it's got sails with a kraken on them.

The Greyjoy fleet under Yara, which is supposed to ferry the armies over to King's Landing, gets attacked by Euron (thankfully, because EWW on that Elaria and Yara moment), and of course, somehow, the guy manages to not only destroy the fleet (more or less? We don't actually SEE the entire fleet destroyed, but ...), he kills two Sandsnakes, takes Elaria, her third daughter, and Yara captive to take them to Cersei, and we can watch Theon panic and jump overboard. That's what Theon does best, anyway.

Bye-bye, captives. I'll put flowers down in that online Game of Thrones graveyard.

While we mourn the inevitable loss of our brave fellow soldier-ettes, Jon Snow has #issues: as in, he got Tyrion's message about coming to Dragonstone, but his bannermen point out that every time a Stark rode south, they got themselves killed. The King in the North is needed in the North.

Jon points out something else: as Dany is the queen, only a king can meet and negotiate with her, not an envoy. So without further ado, Jon admits he never wanted to be king, but he'll fight for the North because it's his home, and he's leaving it in Sansa's hands until he returns, which ... is either really smart, or really stupid.

I can't decide whether Jon is sniffing out something about Sansa and wants to see if she'll remain loyal to him while he's off with Ser Davos (very smart or very stupid, depending on how it plays out), or if he really still knows nothing and is clueless.

Doesn't help Littlefinger admits that he's in love with her, but hey, we've all wanted to give him a good smack over the seven seasons. Jon's just been the first one to nearly throttle him at this point. Now we just have to see what Littlefinger does with big bad brother away.

And finally, to wrap it all up with a dose of Arya: after meeting with Hot Pie (and eating a mean pie, too), who tells her that brother Jon is now King in the North and the Boltons are dead, she changes her mind about going to King's Landing. 

Hi-yo, Silver! Away! Time to head home!

But girl has problems; more than 99 of them, and a pack of wolves is SO the biggest.

At which point I remember a little mention in the books about people saying there's this GINORMOUS wolf leading a pack down south, smarter, tougher, meaner than any they've ever seen ... and I start shrieking at the screen when the direwolf Nymeria snarls a hello.

To anyone who's forgotten: after the debacle between Arya, Sansa and Joffrey (may his soul rot in the deepest circle of Hell) on the road south in season one, Lady, Sansa's direwolf, was killed by Ned, while Arya stoned Nymeria into running away.

Years later, they're face to face again, and while Nymeria doesn't exactly eat Little Red Riding Hood for dinner, she also doesn't wanna go home, either.

This ET is happy where she is, thank you.

Arya is sad about it, but then says a curious sentence: "That's not you." Or something of the kind, and I'm sitting there scratching my head with a 'bzuh?' expression on my face.

Then again, besides Ghost (where IS Ghost, anyway?), Nymeria is the only direwolf of the Starks left, so I'm pretty sure we'll be seeing her sooner rather than later. Probably going at the throat of anyone trying to accost Arya on the way home to Winterfell.

And that's a wrap for this week, ladies and gentlemen! Next one should be a bang, too, because Euron brings his 'present' to Cersei and Dany apparently passes some judgments.

In any event, it's going to be a bumpy ride, so hold on to your cloaks!

xx

*images not mine

Episode 1