"A girl is not 'no one'."
Hello everyone!
Okay, I lied about that.
I headdesked through ALL of the episode. Mostly.
Then again, this is Game of Thrones, so I'm not sure why I'd even be surprised that it brings out such conflicting and rather ... er, irrationally strong emotions out of me. You'd figure after five full seasons and the sixth coming to a close, I'd be immune to the lot of it.
But, nope.
Every time I sit down to watch, it's a case of yet another scintillating monologue between me and my computer screen. Always intelligent, of course.
As with last week's episode, the amount of locations for this one was pitifully small, much to my delight. I really do find that when the producers have time to spend more than a minute and a half in one place, it makes everything so much better thought out. Not to mention the suspense! In this show, you literally live or die by the will of some higher power - mostly it's named stupidity though.
Starting where we usually do, King's Landing is still under the sway of the High Sparrow, which, to my annoyance, doesn't seem to be abatting. Come ON people, how difficult is it to get rid of one old man?!
Very, apparently, although I had a good laugh when Cousin Lancel and some of his croonies came to askthreaten Cersei to the sept, all bravely declaring that 'there will be violence'.
I think I nearly shattered my laptop screen screaming YOU GONNA DIE, IDJITS.
Because the Mountain literally tore the head off someone's body. With his bare hands. Then the others scampered off.
Told ya.
But, I digress. Tommen, His Royal Arsness (ahem) has now decided to ban Trial by Combat. Which, effectively, puts his mother in the worst possible position. And I'm starting to think this king won't be any better than the one before him, he just seems to be kinder. Can someone off him too so we can get another ruling house on the Iron Throne, please? K, thanks.
Meanwhile, Riverrun is still standing, besieged, which Podrick Payne mentions to Brienne as they sit there overlooking it all. Her sarcastic quip that translates into 'duh, obviously' made me giggle.
And then I promptly headdesked.
Because Sansa is beginning to display the insufferable Stark pride which landed her daddy's head on a spike: instead of writing to Littlefinger, she wrote to the Blackfish to bring the Tully forces North to fight for her. The old goat refused, and after Jaime threatened Edmure Tully with the death of his son (how can a man be so attached to a boy he hasn't even seen before? Don't mind me, I'm still waiting for the Jack Randall to come out), Edmure delivered Riverrun, but unfortunately, we won't be seeing his old uncle anymore. The man went down fighting, while Brienne and Pod escaped (Jaime allowed them to, so there's SOME shred of honour he has left).
So much for that.
Elsewhere in the Riverlands, Sandor Clegane is on a warpath for his murdered friends, leaving him face-to-face with one Beric Dondarrion, whom we all recall, who (after they jointly slaughter the idiots who killed Ian McShane last week) decide to join forces and wreak havoc together. This should be interesting.
The other side of the Narrow Sea was interesting this week, because Arya, wounded, went to get help from the very actress she was supposed to murder previously, only to have her die at the hands of Anne Neville the Waif, but unfortunately, the Waif made a miscalculation that ended with her face on display. And Arya Stark is now headed home, ladies and gentlemen.
Hopefully to kick butt.
To wrap it off, let's finish in Meereen where Tyrion, Grey Worm and Missandei are drinking wine and telling jokes after the departure of Varys on a secret mission (is it bad that I'm not even worried he's probably going back to Westeros? Sure his little birds are whispering for the maester-not-maester in King's Landing, but Varys is the ultimate spider; he'll spin this to his own pleasure if you ask me) when the city gets attacked by a fleet of masters from Slaver's Bay. So, Tyrion's peace keeping mission has failed, and they're now waiting to defend the pyramid of Meereen.
Why did no one figure out something large and heavy landed on top of it when the chandelier swung? And how come no one thought about a dragon?
Because in marched Daenerys Targaryen, and all is right in the world again.
The last two episodes or so have mostly been building up on tension and ramping towards the finale, but episode nine has always been one to watch in this series, and looking at the title it leaves nothing to be desired: next week, it's down to the bastards to duke it out.
xx
*images not mine
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