"No man decides my fate."
Hello everyone!
I've covered quite a few on this blog before but I just haven't had the time to come to this one, which is honestly a shame and I know it. I admit it.
Dishonour on my cow.
Then this past weekend, surprise surprise, one of the Cinemax TV channels rolled this movie again because, one, it's basically one of the best things to happen, and two, why not??
My parents hadn't seen it in a while so they watched it together, and I sort of went in and out of it.
But it did remind me that I should do the talking with my fingers.
So here it is! Kevin Hood, ahem, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, here we go!
Since I've done a bunch of other Hoods on this blog post before you'll be able to find the lot of them down below in the links gathered at the bottom of this page.
At this rate, I think I'm only missing the Disney cartoon version and Men in Tights.
ALSO coming!
But first, the movie which my sister and I affectionately call Kevin Hood because it stars Kevin Costner, and if you've never seen it before, well then, CANCEL CHRISTMAS!
I'll be really sad if you don't get the pun.
Our story begins in Nottingham, where Robin's father is writing for information about his son, who's joined the crusade and the last words they spoke to each other were of anger, so they hadn't written since. He's interrupted by one of his serfs, who lures him out to where a circle of masked and cloaked people are waiting for him, led by the Sheriff of Nottingham, and if you think this has a happy ending you're in the wrong blog post.
Alan Rickman does such a fantastic job with the Sheriff that it's both creepy and fantastic to watch, but anyway, you can presume that Robin's dad has an early meeting with the one above after this.
Meanwhile, Robin is having issues of his own in Jerusalem.
After being caught, he's about to lose his hand when he instead instigates a fight, frees Morgan Freeman's character, Azeem, and in the process of escape loses his best friend Peter, who tasks him to protect his sister, Marian.
Once back in England, Robin first visits the family home only to find it in ruin and his father's remains hung up in a cage. He buries him and takes the old family servant, Duncan, with them on their journey because the man was blinded for his loyalty to Robin's family.
Of course trouble doesn't stop there as they run into a group of the Sheriff's men chasing after a young boy. Robin ends up saving him and sending Guy of Gisborne back to the Sheriff almost in tears, before finally reaching Marian's family estate.
Which is where he ends up getting tricked by her maid, and kicked where it hurts by Marian herself before Azeem breaks the door in.
Azeem and doors, man. He can NEVER break them in!
Anyway, he delivers news of her brother's unfortunate fate and gives her his sworn oath, but his sins catch up to him when Gisborne comes a-knocking, at which point Marian sends him away, doesn't turn him in (obviously), and he steals her two best horses so the trio of them can hightail it into Sherwood forest.
Their adventure continues as they try to cross the river there, which is where Christian Slater's Will Scarlet trips Robin up, and he ends up having to fight Little John for free passage. Robin tricks him, first pretending he drowned and then having HIM nearly 'drown', but then after that we learn around a campfire that all the men there are wanted, and the Sheriff is squeezing every last drop out of Nottingham and the country.
So Robin decides to needle said Sheriff a little when he heads to town in disguise as a blind beggar, cuts the Sheriff's cheek and steals his horse and some rations.
This, of course, pisses off the woodsmen, Will in particular, but Robin says that they shouldn't cower in the forest with basically a war waging outside, separating them from their families. Said families make the journey into the forest soon enough as the Sheriff has ordered a retaliation against the people for what Robin's done, and it might have gone ugly if not for his quick thinking and bow skills.
He and Azeem soon begin teaching them survival and stealth tactics, and together they harass the people travelling through Sherwood to Nottingham, including one fat friar, Friar Tuck, who puts up more fight than most (even biting Robin's leg!), but ends up joining the community there.
This, with no solution in sight and his gold now bleeding elsewhere, enrages the Sheriff so that he stabs Gisborne, his own cousin, for failure to deliver Robin.
Such a nice guy, really.
In a surprising twist, two of the people travelling are Marian and her maid, and Robin welcomes them into their forest home. This gives them front row seats to a forest party and allows us to witness Azeem help Little John's partner, Fanny, give birth when otherwise she and her child might have died if left to themselves, or an English leech. There's also a funny little scene where Will asks Marian for a dance but Robin forestalls him and dances with her himself, which makes Will further unhappy.
Everyone and their mother knows these two have been childhood sweethearts since forever, but Robin does nothing, really, and instead asks Marian to take Duncan with her when she leaves, because his old blind servant isn't quite fit for the forest.
This proves to be their undoing later, because Robin also asks her to write to King Richard, her cousin, to inform him of the Sheriff's power-plays with the northern barons, but she trusts the wrong people - aka the bishop, working for the Sheriff - and ends up held by the Sheriff herself. The only way for her to feasibly survive is to marry the man.
On top of it all, the witch the Sheriff has in the castle with him (none other than the original Miss Marple) tells him to employ Celts to deal with Robin Hood, as the people have now begun calling him. This is made possible after the raid on Marian's estate which Duncan is left to escape, and he leads the Sheriff's men right to Robin before sadly dying.
And it is FIERCE, let me tell you, so fierce that for a moment you actually believe Robin kicks the bucket, and the medallion delivered to Marian seems to seal the deal, but the man has more lives than a cat, not to mention he promises vengeance for what's happened.
Meanwhile in the Sheriff's dungeon, Will Scarlet promises to deliver Robin to escape further torture, and it's revealed in the forest that the men are actually half-brothers: Will's mother offered Robin's father comfort after his wife passed away, but Robin never forgave him for it, even when the man set the other woman aside finally, and this was also why he went on the crusade.
Now though, the two brothers decide to fight together once it's determined the Sheriff will hang his prisoners, Little John's boy among them, and they take the fight to Nottingham directly.
Of course, things don't quite go smoothly, since Will manages to get himself caught, BUT Marian now knows Robin is alive, which gives her incentive to fight back, just long enough that, while Robin and the villagers save the prisoners and storm the castle (after an epic speech by Azeem and being launched over the parapets by catapult, because ... Robin Hood), she fends off the whole marriage consummation until her hero finally arrives.
He and the Sheriff fight it out, and let me tell you, never ask them to be your interior decorators. EVER. But Robin wins in the end, killing the man with his own dagger, and Marian and he finally admit their love for each other.
The country is now on the verge of healing with the marriage of the King's cousin and Robin Hood, and who else should grace the screens but the King himself? Sean Connery, may he rest in peace, portrays a jovial and happy King Richard, and he blesses the union so they can finally move forward.
Or, as Friar Tuck points out in breaking the fourth wall, to the party!
Funny, cheerful, serious at the right moments and with probably the most popular Robin Hood around, Prince of Thieves is one of those movies you can watch over and over again and enjoy it every single time. Sure it has some issues - like Robin speaking with an American accent - but overall, it captures the heart of the story much better than many other iterations. The 2010 version comes close in terms of historic accuracy, but nowhere near in viewing enjoyment, which this one delivers in spades.
Between Costner's charm and Rickman's dry humour as the Sheriff rages against this bandit stealing the county from under him (also, can you carve a heart out with a spoon? THAT is the question), not to mention Freeman being himself, this is a movie worth watching.
You know you want to.
xx
*images and video not mine
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