Game of Thrones: The Last of the Starks

"We have won the Great War. Now we will win the Last War."

Hello everyone!

We are now officially in the very last leg of this Game of Thrones season, and I have to say that fans are beginning to see just what a shortened season has caused in the overall plot and development. 

Not that this wasn't obvious on occasions prior to this week's episode, but it's usually when everything really comes to a head that you see whether a show can sink or swim.

It seems like Game of Thrones is beginning to slowly sink, which is sad news for something that's been so epic since the beginning.

Was it all bad? Of course not. It IS still Game of Thrones, after all.

But unfortunately it also wasn't all good, either, and that seems to be the standard by which people in general look at these episodes. I have to admit I'm one of them, too. There's a lot of things to sink your teeth into on television these days, but truly remarkable ones remain scattered and divided.

With now only two episodes to go, and five promising to be a smackdown of epic proportions, let's take our leave of the North, shall we? The Last of the Starks is basically a relocation.

As with the rest of the season, you will find links to my previous reviews and recaps at the bottom of this page.

The episode opens up with a big ass funeral pire, which is rather appropriate since, you know, a hell of a lot of people died in the last episode (not the big, important ones, because those are apparently being saved for episode five and the smackdown I was talking about earlier), and there is literally no way of burying them in the frozen ground of the North, plus I think everyone still has PTSD from the whole lot rising and doing their best Walking Dead impression.

Our main factions come together to bury their friends and allies, each on of them looking at someone on the pyre they've known, loved and respected, as we as the audience say farewell to them as well.

We'll maybe hear this after 2030.

Dany whispers something into Ser Jorah's ear that Iain Glen will probably only gleefully reveal when he's retired and writing his memoirs, and then the torches are passed on and the funeral pyres are lit.

Then? Then it's time for feasting, Rohirrim style.

It's one of those things where those feasting are having a blast while the high table is trying not to get into a spat and cause problems at a funeral (you can apparently cause them at a Westeros wedding, but not a funeral), and we get some lovely character beats during which Tormund extolls the virtues and strengths of Jon Snow, Sansa and the Hound have a little heart-to-heart, Tyrion, Jamie and Brienne play a drinking game, and Podrick Payne is still beloved by the ladies.

There's lots of feasting and cheering and Dany suddenly finds herself sitting alone after the Starks and her advisors have drifted away, emphasising that she doesn't really have friends - she has people loyal to her and on her council, but not quite friends.

Don't mind me, they paid me double to be here!

Also, a random Starbucks cup makes a guest appearance, because everyone wants in on Game of Thrones!

Unfortunately for all us Tormund and Brienne shippers, she breaks his heart when she leaves and Jamie stops Tormund from following her, going after her himself. How the Giantsbane didn't rip his other hand off is beyond me, honestly. But in her room, Brienne admits to being a virgin, and Jamie is clearly drunk so he just goes for it, and the two finally consumate the sparks that have been dancing betwen them since forever.

Meanwhile, Gendry is being -zoned again; Dany legitimises his claim to Storm's End and makes him Lord Gendry Baratheon, and he goes to profess his undying love for Arya and asks her to marry him. Sadly, Arya refuses, because Gendry should have learned not to mention ladies to her. She ain't no lady, my friend.

"Am I drunk? Which one of you five is asking?"

Another one you'd think would be extra happy is Jon, who is more than a little drink despite his assurances otherwise; Dany comes to his room and they almost go for it but Jon is stopped by the knowledge she's his aunt, because, as will be pointed out later, Northerners and incest do not mingle.

Dany begs him not to tell anyone he's a Targaryen, but Jon's fault is his honesty - he wants and needs to tell his family.

He might even have chosen otherwise if not for past circumstances, plus the war council the next day where everyone is nursing massive headaches, during which Dany presses to travel south as soon as possible and Sansa opposes her saying the men are weak and need rest. Jon puts his foot down and says the North will follow their Queen, so now it's time for goodbyes.

Resting bitch face.

Sansa and Arya corner Jon to talk to him in the Godswood, expressing their mistrust in the Queen and that the Starks need to stand together, because every other time they didn't, it ended badly for them. Jon gives Bran permission to tell them about his Targaryen lineage, after making them promise not to tell anybody else, then heads off to prep for his journey.

Tormund is headed beyond the Wall again, and he tells Jon he has the true North inside him, something that will probably be important later at some point; Jon asks him to take Ghost along, saying that no other place is really equipped to deal with direwolves. 

The goodbyes continue as Jon speaks to Sam and Gilly, realizing Gilly's pregnant (in one of the most hilarious sequences of the episode), and wishing them both well as he rides off into the blue.

"Is that your book or are you just happy to see me?"

While he does that, in an episode of Winterfell: Dynastic Telephone, Sansa tells Jon's secret to Tyrion, in the hopes that she might sway him away from Dany, because Sansa does NOT like Daenerys Targaryen, honestly (she also worries about Jon because Stark men aren't lucky down south). She doesn't like Cersei either, but right now her most current evil is Dany, so.

The forces then split, with Dany and Tyrion (who stays staunchly loyal to his Queen) and the rest of the council headed by ship to Dragonstone, the two dragons in tow since Rhaegal needs some time to heal and he'll probably do better down south (or I think that's the reasoning since one of his wings is barely holding it together), while Jon and Davos take the Kingsroad with the rest of the army and go on the long march.

Minor note: the Hound has a date with his brother, and Arya's tagging along for her own appointment.

FAILURE ALERT!

That's where we leave them and head to the ships themselves, with aerial support that, within sight and almost landing on Dragonstones, fails EPICALLY.

Euron Guyliner Greyjoy has been lying in wait behind the island and shoots Rhaegal from the sky, prompting Dany to veer off while her ships scramble for themselves and are easy pickings for the Iron Fleet; the survivors barely get spat out on Dragonstone itself while Euron returns to King's Landing victorious and with Missandei as his prisoner.

News of this reaches the North and Sansa seems pleased that Dany's about to unleash her inner dragon on Cersei, telling Jamie as much, and Jamie comes to a decision: he will ride South, regardless of Brienne begging him not to go.

But he's hateful, he would do anything for Cersei ... and he needs to go.

An assassin, a cripple and a Dwarf walk into a bar ...

Oh did I mention Bronn DID in fact make it to Winterfell? He did, and threatened both Jamie and Tyrion with that infamous crossbow, but Tyrion offered him double what Cersei had: instead of Riverrun, they'll give him Higharden. They just have to survive first ...

The odds are lessening dramatically, as Varys notes to Tyrion while they discuss potential treason in replacing Dany with Jon. Tyrion is adamant she'll make a good queen, but Varys, both from using his intelligencers this episode and from his oath to always serve the people of Westeros, not their rulers directly, tells him that Westeros needs a RELUCTANT king, not a power-hungry Queen.

Not that it matters much as matters are now coming to a head when Dany goes to confront Cersei directly. With the Lannister Queen piling the Red Keep with civilians, she's banking that Dany won't want to unleash the dragon fire, and she's right to a degree: all of Dany's advisors beg her not to burn the capital, so she agrees to plea for a deal, to let the people see it was Cersei who ultimately decided on a battle.

Maybe there's a heart in there somewhere ...

And oh, does Cerse decide; after Tyrion begs her not to be a monster, trying to apply to her faculties as a mother (not long after she told Euron that she's pregnant, a big fat lie since the kid is Jamie's, but, you know how it goes with Cersei), she tells Missandei to choose her last words.

Missandei does; right before the Mountain beheads her, she defiantly spits out DRACARYS.

Basically, Missandei has judged King's Landing and found it wanting; Daenerys can burn the bastards for all she cares.

And considering she just watched one of her loyal advisors and closest friends get murdered before her eyes, I think it's safe to say that Dany will be doing a lot of burning rather soon, and Euron might have to change his name from Euron Guyliner Greyjoy to Euron Dragonchow Greyjoy.

I, for one, am SO looking forward to it!

Nah. Still a bitch.

But that's next week. We have to discuss what happened this week, and I'll be doing it by points, trying to be short and sweet.

1. The direwolves have been treated abominably by the writers, let's leave it at that. Also, Jon really knows NOTHING considering he's yet another Stark to leave his loyal canine behind. And now he doesn't even have a dragon anymore!

2. Does everyone know about Jon dying at Catle Black now? I thought that was a closely guarded secret for some reason or other, but Tormund proudly shouted it about. Did I simply forget and/or miss something???

3. Dany asking Jon to lie is something I can't decide on; on the one hand, I understand her, and considering even Ned Stark managed one lie in his entire honourable life, I can get behind it for good reasons. But are her reasons good? Do they come from the heart or is it a power trip, as insinuated by Varys later that she doesn't want to share? Either way, how can anyone be in a relationship with someone who asks them to lie? Besides, Jon blew that one, probably trying not to make Ned's mistake, but making his own in the process.

"Nobody heard about 'two can keep a secret if one of them is dead' have they?"

4. Winterfell Telephone worked super fast, and honestly, did Jon REALLY think Sansa was going to be quiet?

5. The Dragonstone failure. Who writes these scenes? They look absolutely magnificent on screen but MAKE ZERO SENSE. How did they shoot three bolts into Rhaegal and didn't manage to hit Drogon? How did nobody tell Dany they need to scout ahead to make sure the road was clear? How did Dany NOT SEE from high up? And how the heck can a dragon not outrun the crossbows even if they're on a turning platform when Gendry can outrun the raven express?

6. People keep saying Jamie's going back to Cersei, and sure he is ... but to kill her, I think. I'm on that camp. I think Jamie knows her best, knows he can probably get to her, and knows this won't be over until she dies, especially since, if you recall, he killed the Mad King precisely because he didn't want to see the capital burn. He might not want to see it burn now, either, so taking Cersei out of the equation might work, plus give him some closure ... maybe.

"Danger? Ha! We laugh in the face of danger, ha ha ha ha!"

7. I can't decide if Bronn is being true to his character or not. I genuinely thought that he liked the Lannister brothers, but apparently he likes gold better.

8. Someone finally remembered Varys can be useful!

0. That final confrontation ... why park yourselves so close to the bloody walls? Why didn't Missandei tackle Cersei and go off the wall with her if she knew she was going to die? Also, does Euron have any working brain cells left? Tyrion shouldn't have known Cersei was pregnant. Is he going to start doing the math or just prove to us all he's as stupid as he looks?

10. And to my favourite point of all: Mad Dany.

I mean there are many other points to be made; this episode was riddled with holes like moldy cheese. But the Mad Dany arc makes me, well, mad.

"Call me mad again one more time. I dare you."

For seven seasons we've been straight-up told she's the saviour Westeros needs, the person who'll win at the end, the good girl who grew up in harsh circumstances, overcame them, and who had a clear shot to be Queen and make things right. She was, ultimately, painted as the Hero. Now, within the span of two episodes, we're being led to believe she's going mad, like her father before her.

Uh, I'm sorry, what now?

I found a really good comment that complains over this issue:

This, kids, is what you DON'T do when making tactical decisions.

Daenerys' goal has been to retake the seven kingdoms since midway through the first season. Despite all her ordeals, she landed in Westeros with a strong claim; three dragons; and two powerful armies.

Since then:

• Two dragons (who to her were her own children) are dead.

• Her armies have been decimated.

• Her claim has been weakened by a man she loves (even if he himself doesn't want the throne).

• Two of her closest advisors and friends are dead. 

• She fought to save the North (and the world) yet is still viewed as the foreign invader

• Her remaining advisors have constantly pushed for her to restrain herself and negotiate, and when she listens to them disaster soon follows

I'd say that's less "Mad Queen" and more "Person who has had enough of this bulls**t".

I mean, how is she supposed to react to all of that?

If anybody asks about bad CGI, point them in this direction.

I agree on all points. The writers might have dropped potential nuggets here and there saying she MIGHT go mad, but this is where the shortened season quality really shows - and poor writing choices. Because if you want to make a character mad, you need to build it from the ground up, not just decide they're mad from one day to the next.

In short, this is just poor writing. And this episode was sadly full of it.

Fingers crossed that five and six manage to somehow salvage the mess made in three and four!

xx

*poster image and video not mine, screencaps by me

Episode 1: Winterfell

Episode 2: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms

Episode 3: The Long Night