"They say every time a Targaryen is born, the gods flip a coin.
And the world holds its breath."
Hello everyone!
It's a sort of bitter-sweet feeling to go about typing this kind of blog post for the very last time, because, as we all know - there will be no more Game of Thrones to look forward to.
At least, not in the shape we've been used to since 2011.
In some ways, as a lot of the fans would say, it might even be for the best given the response to the last season, but at the same time, this show has been such a staple in our lives for so long that it's hard to understand it isn't coming back.
I can't even begin to imagine what fans of Supernatural are going through!
But anyway, regardless which camp you're in (happy fan or outraged fan, that is), this Sunday's series finale brought ... some kind of closure, I suppose.
Mostly on a lot of illogical storylines.
Let's sit back and take a look at The Iron Throne - and listen to the iconic theme song. One last time.
As always, links to the previous recaps of this season can be found at the bottom of this blog post.
I'll try to make this as concise as possible because, in reality, looking back on the episode, those eighty minutes were honestly about forty minutes too long. Everything that was told could have been wrapped up in a neat bow in a regular episode, mostly because it was all speedy, against what ANYONE expected - and sometimes plain head-scratch-inducing.
But I digress.
We begin our story with Tyrion walking into a torched King's Landing right after Daenerys went full-blown Emperor Palpatine on the capital in the penultimate episode.
The Hand of the Queen is shocked - but I suppose viewers are a little less shocked. The shock value has gone out the window at this point in time. Anyway, he wants to head up to the Red Keep, and Jon tells him it's unsafe, so why not take some men along?
Tyrion's all nah, I'm good. You do you, Honey Boo Boo.
He knows why he wants to be alone - because he's going to check if Jaime and Cersei managed to actually escape, though unfortunately we all know this hasn't been the case. I have to say, however, that the Lannisters defy the odds even in death - they look remarkably preserved for having a ton of bricks fall on their heads!
Meanwhile, Jon is facing his own horrors when he comes across Grey Worm, busily preparing to slaughter soldiers who are a) on their knees b) weaponless and c) defeated.
Jon is quick to point this out, and Davos is right behind him asking Grey Worm just how much more win do they need? Grey Worm is having none of it, saying the prisoners' crime is that they're breathing, and the order came from the Queen.
Alrighty then. Time to meet the head honchita herself.
There are some stunning visuals in this scene where Daenerys flies Drogon into the ruined Red Keep, walks out onto the platform, and addresses the gathered Unsullied and Dothraki (who have all, somehow, forgotten that they've been dead since The Long Night), saying that she will not stop until she liberates the entire world.
The visual of the Targaryen banner finally flying over the Keep again is magnificent and reminds me of the Pyramid of Meereen, but ... well.
This is what we call bad continuity. But the dragons ARE impressive.
Dany's lost the plot. And as Tyrion has betrayed her (with the whole release Jaime thing), she's two steps from incinerating him when he does her a favour and quits because she torched an entire city for basically nothing.
Jon is starting to get really scared of the Mother of Dragons (as he probably rightly should be, all things considered), and she considers him a speck that needs to be wiped off her warclothes as she marches off.
I'd like to point out that one of the things that really bugged me here (though let's be real, this entire episode was a joke) was that it LOOKS as though both Jon and Arya understand what Dany is saying. It's never explicitly stated that they don't, honestly - and among all the bigger errors this one is probably really small, but the Northerners REALLY didn't speak High Valyrian!
"Bow before your queen, peasant."
Back to the review, in which Arya catches Jon, trying to persuade him that Dany isn't going to stop and he's in danger too. Jon is obstinately sticking to his lane of Her Majesty this and Her Majesty that, but a visit to Tyrion does him no better.
Tyrion does a very rapid 180 degrees shift from what he was telling Varys only an episode or two back, about picking someone and then backing them to the end, because he tells Jon that, honestly, what's better, a tyrant, or a corpse.
After that cheerful conversation, Jon goes to seek out Dany, and I get the bejesus scared out of me when Drogon pops out of the snow like an oversized guard dog in front of the door.
Dany, in the meanwhile, has finally come to the Iron Throne, and despite the fact that the writers have gone with the Mad Queen plot for her, it's actually frightening how lucid she looks and how much sense what she says makes, if you think about it; she doesn't really SEEM Mad. And yet, we all know (to our great regret and all my beautiful theories from the previous post are ground to dust) she's nuttier than a world collection of almonds.
Jon begs her to consider a world of mercy, which is the world everyone needs now, and who knows? He may have even succeeded if not for the little thing called a knife.
In her heart.
"On your six, motherf-."
After kissing her farewell, Jon does what Tyrion as wordlessly begged him to do, and snuffs the life out of his Queen, and his love. Ironically, this is the second woman who dies in his arms; he has a bad track record with the female population.
Dany's death spurs Drogon to pop into the throne room, and for a dragon who couldn't pick up on the fact that the Iron Fleet was just around the corner he's astute enough to burn down the Iron Throne (whether out of rage because this obsession killed his momma, or because he knows he can't burn Jon because he's a Targaryen), pick Dany up in his hind leg, and fly with her into the gathering murk. The theory is that he flew her home - but whether this home means the Great Grass Sea where she was happy as Khaleesi to Khal Drogo and where Drogon climbed out of his egg, or Valyria, where potentially only a dragon could survive, or maybe even Dragonstone ... who knows.
Point is, dragon and Dead Queen fly off.
Peace out.
After some time has passed (which we can tell by how unkept Tyrion's beard looks), Tyrion is brought before a panel of celebrity judges, once more gathered in King's Landing, probably again in the Dragonpit where we had that infamous meeting with all our a-listers in season seven.
All the major Lords and Ladies of Westeros have gathered - and in all honesty, there's about ten of them left.
It's now up to them to figure out what they're going to do and how they're going to do it.
There might not be any more Iron Throne, but Westeros still needs a king - or queen.
Back to our regularly scheduled programming ...
Sansa is quick to point out to Grey Worm that the panel asked for both Tyrion AND Jon to be brought out for judgement, but Grey Worm obstinately refuses, saying the Unsullied will take care of Jon, though Tyrion quickly corrects that one - Jon committed his "crime" in Westeros. Therefore, he needs to be judged by Westerosi people.
Side-note, Jaime Lannister is super proud of the Snow boy right now. Royal slayers, unite!
But anyway, Yara is all about Dany - she wasn't there to witness the Mad Episode, so the Iron Isles are still loyal to the Dragon Queen, but for me, everything grinds to a halt when TOBIAS MENZIES STANDS UP.
Tyrion has pointed out that the lords and ladies can pick their own ruler - this was the wheel Daenerys was trying to break (although, not really, Tyrion, because Sam is the only one who really gets what she wanted, which is to say that the common people should also have a voice, and Sansa's pitying smile at that one is just painful to watch).
BUT BACK TO TOBIAS MENZIES.
Somebody remembered Edmure Tully, though what he's been doing since Arya decimated House Frey at Riverrun is anyone's guess. He has perfect comedic timing by nominating himself for King, until his niece Sansa tells him to sit down. Please.
Adults are talking here.
Silently judging.
Tyrion quickly negates the idea that he ever wanted to propose himself, and instead says that the common folk like nothing more than a good story - so why not give them one? Why not give them Brandon the Broken, the boy who fell out of a tower, went beyond the Wall, and became the Three-Eyed Raven? And who conveniently can't have children?
Remember the part where Bran points out he's not a lord of anything anymore, and can't be, because he's the Raven?
Well. Turns out boy was aiming high. The only reason he came all the way down to King's Landing is because he apparently saw he'd be nominated - and wouldn't you know it, he says yes.
"Yippie-ki-yay, motherf-."
Quick as a viper (and did we all see the victory braids in her hair?), Sansa declares (she doesn't ask, please note) that the North will be a separate kingdom because so many Northerners died in the Great War, and they won't be bending the knee ever again.
We see what you did there, Sansa - you wanted the Iron Throne. Failing that, you just want a throne.
And of course Bran gives it to her.
And what about Jon?
Well, as Tyrion (whom Bran pardons and makes his Hand so he can spend the rest of his life fixing the mistakes he made) points out, there will always be a need for a place where bastards and broken men go, so Jon is exiled to the Night's Watch (in an ironic twist of fate considering that was where Ned Stark SHOULD have gone, way back in the beginning, if Joffrey hadn't chopped his head off instead).
"Your shoes are untied."
The Stark siblings say farewell to their cousin - and Sansa begs forgiveness for what she did, aka, tell Tyrion about Jon's parentage.
Note that Jon says nothing to that one, so technically Sansa remains unforgiven.
Jon bends the knee to Bran and boards a ship - just as Grey Worm boards his, since the Unsullied are headed to Naath, like he and Missandei had been planning all along.
So while the North crowns its Queen at Winterfell, in some scenes very much like the ones from Elizabeth I with Cate Blanchett (and it's an even stronger resemblance because Sansa is also a red head), the South is arranging its Small Council, on which are currently seated Ser Davos, Ser Brienne, Ser Bronn, and Grand Maester Samwell, along with Tyrion (Ser Podrick Payne is in charge of wheeling Bran about). Sam presents Tyrion with 'A Song of Ice and Fire', in which the Imp does NOT feature at all, and there are apparently rumours that Drogon has been spotted, flying in the East.
"Who comes up with these titles?!"
For some reason, Bran says that maybe he can find him, and I'm wondering - why? It's not like you can do anything with him. You couldn't warg into him when he was around before, and in case you've forgotten, your only Targaryen was sent north. It's highly unlikely he'll want to help you in any way, shape or form.
Leaving the Council of Lofty Titles to bicker among themselves, the show ends with another callback to season one in which Jon Snow rides up to Castle Black, there welcomed by Tormund and Ghost, and the trio lead the remaining Wildlings back through the Wall and into the north beyond, back home.
Jon smiles at that - and I'm thinking Bran really didn't think this one through well enough, because now he's NEVER getting his only surviving dragon rider back, because it looks like Jon isn't ever going south again.
"Who's ready for some goddamn spring?!"
And in an interesting twist, you can see green sprouting through the snow as the Wildlings disappear into the forests beyond - a harbringer of Spring if there ever was one.
FIN
Well, we made it. Perhaps not satisfied, but we made it.
This episode has sparked what's probably the biggest debate ever, because the vast majority of fans, already dissatisfied with the final season, were hoping beyond hope that the finale would redeem it.
Not so.
A small quarter of fans who seemed to like this entire thing are saying it's the only logical conclusion, but really ... it isn't.
"Oh, ya think?"
What it is is this: after the scripts leaked, the writers sat down and decided to take a look at every single fan theory, book theory, show theory - and they threw it all out the window. Then they picked points that NOBODY used (because they make very little if no sense) and went along that route for the purpose of doing, or attempting to do, what the show has done with shock value before. But shocking your audience for the purpose of shocking them is never going to work.
This is, of course, simply my opinion, but let's take a look at what we have in this episode:
we have a dead Queen (arguably, she was Mad, but, you know), the guy who did the good deed (in this case it's supposed to be a good one) is exiled in contrast to when it happened back with the Mad King, the North has somehow become a separate kingdom which basically means everything Aegon the Conqueror did washed down the drain, we were supposed to feel sorry for the Lannisters because they lost, and happy for the Starks because they came out on top.
In theory, this works.
In practice, the emotional beats are totally off, starting right with the Mad Queen plotline (not to mention that Arya's plot fizzled out into her wanting to go and become Dora the Explorer), and ending with the Starks.
Because instead of viewing them as the winners - the emotional beat and morale of the story is that they're no better than anyone else.
The characters we've come to love and rooted for and prayed for during the previous seven seasons turned out to be just as power-hungry and greedy as the rest of them, but they've simply managed to hide it better. Because if you take a careful look, the Council is filled with Stark sympathisers, and Dany's former allies sort of just ... disappear. The seats are still open on the Council (which is a hilarious notion in itself because apparently, Bran's visions are pretty selective if he can't fill them with the blink of an eye) and there isn't much debate about maybe giving a job to, say, Yara.
Who said breastfeeding past twelve months is bad?
Not to mention the Northern secession. At that point, Yara should have announced that she will rule the islands as Queen herself - because why should the Starks have all the glory? Or the new-found Prince of Dorne (I wonder which hole of sand they pulled him out of?) should have announced Dorne wouldn't bend the knee, either. Or the Vale of Arryn. All things considered, as soon as Sansa opened her mouth, the gathering should have fallen apart, and the kingdoms should have splintered.
But no, of course not.
The trueborn Starks have everything they want now - and the man who made it all possible, the man who conveniently ISN'T a Stark (or not full-born, at least), is sent as far away as he can possibly be. Out of sight, out of mind.
I suppose Jon is happier that way - but nobody sell me the lie of Bran not wanting the throne. He's apparently wanted it all along. Who cares about bloodlines - or commoners. The highborn get a vote! All's well in the world!
This, friends, is what we call poor aim.
A friend of mine asked if this was a prank and if an actual finale will be aired next Sunday (the actor playing Bran asked the same thing after reading the script).
Sadly ... what you see is what you get.
But the North, the TRUE North, remembers.
And we will never forget.
xx
*poster image and video not mine, screencaps by me
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