Talkie Tuesday: The Desolation of Smaug EXTENDED EDITION

Hello everyone!

So I'm back with another Hobbit review, and I realized I never actually put up the one I wrote right after seeing the second movie way back when, with a group of girl friends. We sort of made it an evening out and I have to say, just for the record, with as much hype as there was surrounding this particular event, and the trailers looking absolutely awesome, I was thoroughly and completely disappointed with the finished result. 

Not only did it have so many unbelievable scenes as to make it almost entirely a different story from the original book, but certain things made me wan to tear my hair out from the roots, and then burn it while dancing around singing Kumbaya.

I'm fairly sure that a lot of people enjoyed the movies, but I also know, for a fact, the book fans were as disappointed as I was, maybe even more. You know how people always say the Star Wars Prequel Trilogy was the biggest mistake George Lucas ever made? Well, the Hobbit movies are Peter Jackson's, if you ask me. Still, as I'm a bit of a Tolkien freak, I couldn't resist buying the extended edition for the additional material it has on the DVDs, and I just recently watched the movie through.

So let's recap the first movie so we know where we are story-wise, alright? (Or, you can skip this bit and read my review of the first extended edition here)

Gandalf and thirteen Dwarves showed up on the doorstep of a Hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, and dragged him off to go along on their journey to reclaim Erebor, the ancient Dwarf-Kingdom in the east. Along the way, they ran into Trolls, Elves in Rivendell, Radagast the Brown, Goblins, Gollum, Azog the Defiler and a bunch of Wargs, and got rescued by the Great Eagles at the end, leaving us with a lovely vista of the Lonely Mountain in the distance.

The second movie, to give a brief rundown (I'll get to commentary later), starts right where we left off with the first one, but Bilbo notices they're being followed by something else: a huge black bear. This turns out to be the shape-shifter Beorn, who aids them and lends them ponies to get them to Mirkwood. While Thorin & Co trudge through it, Gandalf is off on his own adventure checking to see whether or not the Witch-King of Angmar has escaped his tomb (more on THAT later, as well), which proves to be correct. Also, he then ventures into Dol Guldur where he finds Thrain, Thorin's father, and witnesses the army Azog commands to take against the Mountain. Meanwhile, our Dwarves have been captured by spiders, rescued by Bilbo, then captured again by Elves, led by Legolas (cue videogame action sequences). They are being held in the King's dungeons, but escape with the help of barrels, and end up hitching a ride with Bard the Bowman to Laketown, from where their journey to the Mountain continues. Leaving behind a sick Kili with a couple of others to care for him, Thorin unlocks the hidden gate, they manage to rouse Smaug and royally piss him off, while the Orcs, led by Bolg, have now attacked the stragglers at Bard's (meanwhile, Bard has been arrested, obviously). Tauriel and Legolas come to the rescue. And inside the Mountain, they give Smaug a shiny golden overcoat, which only sends him off to go kill some Laketown people. End of story.

ALRIGHT.

Now I wrote notes throughout the whole thing as I watched, so I'll be going through them and doing commentary, but that's basically it as far as storyline goes!

First off, the prologue is again extended with the addition of information on Thrain, who led the attack on the Dimril Gate and was lost afterwards. An important point: he had on him, at the time, a Ring of Power. Remember this, kids. Other than that, the dialogue is much the same, just a lot of jabbering about the Arkenstone that is exactly wrong according to the story, but there's a highlight.

"I ran into some unsavoury characters while travelling along the Greenway. 

They mistoook me for a vagabond."

Gandalf

"I wager they regretted that."

Thorin

But I was VERY thrilled with the introduction to Beorn being added to the movie this time around, quite according to the book with the Dwarves coming out in pairs and such. It was hilarious, just as it was when reading, and I loved it. The Beorn scenes were also added to later as well, with Beorn and Gandalf speaking about what's happening in Middle Earth. 

At this point, I would like to mention an extended scene showing Men burying the Witch-King of Angmar which, as I have stated elsewhere, is impossible. I encourage everyone to read that character's biography here, and don't be fooled by the movie: none of that EVER actually happened.

The next extended shots come at the Forest River, with the precarious crossing and Bombur falling in, resulting in him being carried around. I loved the detail to the book story, along with the white stag and the mention of hearing Elven voices. That should have been left in the cinematic version of the movie in my opinion.

Thranduil, I will never understand. EVER.

The next extended sequences happen in Laketown, where we see a lot more of the Master and Alfrid, to my eternal delight since they're hilarious, but I can understand why the scenes were cut. They don't really add much to the storyline aside from hilarity. I also enjoyed a short scene where the Dwarves take out some human guards and the women at the market help conceal them, all casual like. We don't want trouble here!

A very touching scene remains the one where Bilbo vouches for Thorin in front of a crowd, because you can see how far their friendship has come.

The last extended scenes here at Laketown are with the Dwarves seeking help for Kili, only getting it at Bard's at the end of it all. (And while they're busy, Gandalf hitches a rabbit ride. The Dol Guldur sequences come from the LOTR Appendices with Thrain, where I have to double check because I was sure he only had one eye when they first showed him, but apparently not).

"If there is, in fact, a live dragon down there? Don't waken it."

Balin

I'm confused with the dialogue about Sauron, with Smaug commenting like they're already in league, since I don't really remember that from the book. I'm thinking this is another movie ploy considering everyone always said the dragon was dangerous precisely because Sauron had NOT yet turned towards him.

It is also a universal truth that orcs are ugly, no matter the interpretation. If you see any entering your house, throw pots and crockery at them. It usually works as a distraction. (Also, who the heck names an Orc Fimbul?!)

Another universal truth: Smaug earned another title.

Smaug, the Eternally Stupid.

I made that up because I counted at least three times (there are probably more) where he could have easily gottn rid of the Dwarves. Unfortunately it seems like he really loved his new title.

There were no other really extended scenes in this movie from that point on, but we did learn some interesting facts: the Orcs use the Orc Express for carrying messages of importance, a city on water has horses for some reason, Balin can mix the Middle Earth equivalent of Greek Fire, and you should never, ever allow Smaug and Thorin into the redecorating business. 

Ever.

xx

*images not mine