"No more chivalry. Now we fight like wolves."
Hello everyone!
And honestly, I had EVERY intention of watching it just as soon as I could, and then ... then, IDK what happened.
But on a random whim this past weekend, I finally flicked through the Netflix movie library to unearth this one, though I have to admit that I didn't even remember the correct title, accidentally landing on The King first before I bounced to this.
In my defense, there's a lot of kings running around the silver screen! LOL.
Without further ado, let's travel back in time to Scotland - ah, bonnie Scotland.
We'll be having a look at a failed rebellion, a successful one, wondering where Mel Gibson went off to, and plenty other subjects while also trying to discover why we need a full frontal nude shot that makes about zero sense, all wrapped in one movie package.
Which movie, you ask? And I answer: Outlaw King.
I do have a bunch of other history-inspired movies on my blog, but I don't really count this one among the greats, so I won't be listing anything down below. You'll only find the trailer.
Outlaw King begins with the Scottish lords soundly defeated by Edward Longshanks, and having an Englishman put in place to rule over them so they pay their taxes to England, among other things. Robert Bruce, played by Chris Pine (don't ask me why they picked the most American of American actors to play a Scottish king), is betrothed to the king's goddaughter (Florence Pugh), and his father believes that this is the fastest way to reclaim the actual Scottish throne.
See the Bruces and Comyns have been arguing about who the rightful ruler is for literal ages. Now there's no more need for it!
Robert refuses to consummate the marriage, letting Elizabeth and himself grow slowly closer together instead, while he juggles the responsibilities of being a landlord and the new Bruce patriarch after his dad falls asleep and never wakes up again.
Things come to a head when William Wallace is found, quartered, and bits of him sent across Scotland to show what happens to rebels.
Robert rallies the lords again, this time to fight under ONE banner so they might stand a chance, but of course Comyn's a little bitch and wants to go running to England to tattle just because he can't keep his pride in check and deal with inner Scottish politics AFTER they give the English the boot, so Robert kills him.
In a church.
This, of course, poses huge problems in a vastly religious society, but the Scottish clergy absolve him and swear loyalty so long as he is loyal to the Catholic branch. Then they crown him king at Scone, and the gathering army marches.
The English meet them, they agree they'll have a chivalrous duel between Robert and the English overlord Valence, and then just as Robert is getting it on with Elizabeth, finally dropping clothes and tangoing in the sheets, the English sneak up on the Scots and rout them.
Fifty of Robert's men make it to the remotest corner of the kingdom, while Elizabeth and his daughter Marjorie are taken captive by the Prince of Wales, who has raised the dragon banner, aka the English will show no more mercy anymore.
Marjorie is sent to a convent, but Elizabeth is cajoled and bullied to have her sign divorce papers, renouncing him, which she refuses, and ends up in a hanging cage for her efforts.
Robert, meanwhile, gets ambushed by his own people at this point, though after learning his home has been taken and his women captured, he changes tactics, opting for guerilla warfare and burning the castles one by one as they retake them, fighting as dirty as he believes the English have been fighting ever since this all began.
Men don't readily flock to his banners, either, wary of the English, and needing proof that he'll be successful, so it takes a bit for him to grow his army, but by the time news of this new way of battle reaches Longshanks, he's so pissed off he rides off to battle himself again.
Then he dies mid-march, and leaves his son to face off with Robert, who's chosen the battleground this time around.
Any experienced general worth their salt would have been wary as hell as to why the Scots chose a particular place to make their supposed last stand, but there's not one sound thinker in the entire English army by this point, and the cavalry charges right into a bog and hidden pikes that decimate them, giving the Scots the upper hand against what was, before, an enemy they couldn't touch.
Where are the fabled English longbowmen, you ask? I think it's a bit too early in history for it to make a grand appearance.
Robert faces off with the former Prince of Wales and beats him soundly (and, to my amusement, literally NO ONE in his army figures out he's still fighting while they're all cheering the English running for their lives), having him run with tail tucked between his legs.
Victorious, Robert manages to finally unite the Scots, and he gets Marjorie and Elizabeth back in prisoner exchanges.
A point to note here is also that, later, his descendant, James VI, becomes king of Scotland AND England after the passing of Elizabeth I, marking a grand Scottish victory over the English once and for all.
A movie that interestingly has very little music in terms of a soundtrack, mostly relying on visuals and acting to carry it through, Outlaw King is eh at best. While it DOES have interesting moments, and certainly seeing the Scots aggravated beyond belief is something that history seems to show rather frequently, it fails to truly capture the viewer, IMO.
Chris Pine, while a charismatic actor, just doesn't cut it in this historical role, and I have yet to figure out why we needed a full body nude shot of him before that final battle. We get it, y'all were dirty travelling around, and that it was cold so obviously thinks were shrinking or standing stiff, but other than the movie boring its audience almost to sleep and needing a shock to wake them up, I really see no reason for this scene!
I'd have said the same if it was of a naked woman, by the way, so don't point fingers at me here.
The strongest parts of this movie were definitely Robert's relationship with Elizabeth and Longshanks getting all annoyed about having to do things himself, but also seeing plenty of familiar names flitting across the screen, from Gallowglass of A Discovery of Witches fame, to Murtagh from Outlander, not to mention a bunch of Game of Thrones alums.
All in all, it's a good flick to watch, but entirely forgettable.
xx
*images and video not mine
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