"The dreams of an entire planet are focused tonight on those fourteen brave souls traveling into the heavens."
Hello everyone!
So yesterday I was debating which movie I should review on here when I walked down into our living room and there was my mother, turning the TV on, telling me that there was a movie we all love somewhere on one of the channels.
Naturally it turned out to be probably my favourite disaster movie of all time.
We kind of missed out on most of the prep time for the story itself - aka what happens BEFORE they get all the action going - but considering we clocked in right around the time they were going to be slingshot-ing around the moon, I think we pretty much nailed it.
If you haven't figured out what I'm talking about from that Road Runner reference alone, let me enlighten you.
It has Bruce Willis, Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler, along with pretty much what you'd call a stellar all-star cast nowadays, it features a big ass rock trying to destroy the Earth, and if you've ever seen Aerosmith's most viewed music video, you also know that you don't wanna miss a thing.
Figured it out yet?
I think I've done one or two disaster movies on this blog before, so I'll be linking those down at the bottom of the page if I can find them, or if I've done them in any event. But for the time being, let's dive right in and see just what exactly seems to be the problem.
The problem, as Jerry Bruckheimer puts it, is this: life is doing its own thing when something the size of a couple of cars crashes into New York City, alerting NASA that they may need to check whatever's going on in their own backyard.
Also, a cute doggo needs 911, STAT!
Also, a cute doggo needs 911, STAT!
Meanwhile, a privately-owned, incredibly powerful telescope picks up something big and ... unnatural in the sky somewhere, so the owner also alerts NASA to it, telling them exactly where to look.
Turns out, it's an asteroid.
And not just ANY asteroid, either.
Named Dottie, and basically an asteroid on steroids, this monster is chewing its way through space towards Earth, but if it hits the planet it'll pretty much be game over. Firstly, everything's going to boil and burn, and then it'll be an ice age. Nobody survives in the scenario of this thing hitting Earth.
So how does Billy Bob Thorton decide to solve the problem?
Simple, says Jason Isaacs: they drill.
For which they need the best deep-drill professional on the planet.
Enter a golf-playing Bruce Willis somewhere on an oil rig, who at that same moment finds his daughter Grace (Tyler) in bed with AJ (Affleck), and proceeds to hunt AJ with his shotgun. You'd think things would calm down a little after that, but AJ and Harry come to a disagreement about one of the drills, which Harry turned off because he knew it was dangerous, but AJ pushed forward with.
Now, they DO strike oil with that one, but not before the rig basically almost gets pulverized, which prompts Harry to fire AJ.
He also boards a chopper with Grace that takes the two of them to NASA headquarters, and where they're faced with their reality: the asteroid that might be just a little more important than their current family spat.
Harry agrees to give it a shot, because obviously NASA's on its last tether and he's their last hope, so he calls the best guys from his drill team, including but not limited to Owen Wilson, Steve Buscemi and Michael Clarke Duncan, and they commence training for the conditions they'll encounter in space (not that I'm sure how dancing in tiger-print undies counts).
Obviously this is just an excuse for a barrel of laughs as they decide they won't be able to teach someone ELSE to drill a hole, they'll have to be taught how to be astronauts, so not only do they suffer through rides in fighter planes (vomit alert right here), but medical check-ups that basically say every one of them would fail standard NASA baselines.
Tensions mount in the team between AJ and Harry as AJ continues to do his own thing regardless of what the older, more experience driller tells him, which often leads to problems in the simulator as they fail each and every time, but AJ keeps insisting that Harry's equipment (which NASA kind of stole the blueprints for but put together all wrong because they don't necessarily understand the drilling bits properly) can take much more than they're willing to risk on it.
It doesn't help that AJ proposes to Grace around that same time, and Harry's annoyed because he hasn't worked all his life to ensure she'd have the best options possible so she could go and marry someone who's Harry 2.0. Life's rough for a rough-neck!
Resolving to settle this once they return - even though his teammates gently try to explain to him that, since they all helped raise her, they all get a bit of a say - Harry convinces Truman to allow them a breather and a night out before they head into space, which doesn't end well as you can probably imagine. When has letting a bunch of men with a lot of money loose in the world EVER ended well? Not in American movies!
Dottie goes public and the world panics upon hearing about the killer asteroid, but Harry's not as concerned about that as he is about the actual practicality of drilling. Priorities, people!
So, they proceed according to plan, only by the time they board the shuttles, Freedom and Independence (double, just to be safe), the whole world is watching, and I dare you NOT to get something in your eye in what's probably the very best scene in the entire movie.
Takeoff goes smoothly, and they have a pretty easy ride to the international space station where they have to refuel, and where they're met with Russian cosmonaut Lev who helps them - except of course they run into problems right off the bat as apparently the space station's been there much too long to function properly at this point, and the whole thing starts catching fire.
Thankfully, they manage to pack themselves into the shuttles - Lev included - and get out of there before it explodes, but that's bad luck right there so the slingshot around the moon is going to be a doozy.
Naturally.
The plan here is this: they'll use the moon's gravity field to hopefully help pull away the debris from the back of the asteroid so they can go in for a landing, and the asteroid itself is going to guide them because it's so big.
Unfortunately, the best laid plans ... you know how it goes.
The debris field is still much too densely packed, and AJ's shuttle gets hit, disappearing off NASA's screens and crash-landing on the asteroid. Of the team, only AJ, Bear and Lev survive, packing themselves in the armadillo meant to drill the hole, and they drive off into the unknown to try and rendez-vous with Harry and the rest of the guys.
They, meanwhile, managed to overshoot their landing field, which Rockhound sarcastically points out, and now they have to drill through iron, which obviously doesn't turn out all that well for them as they go through equipment faster than they'd ever done it on Earth.
And of course, they have other problems.
Hearing about the issue, the general in charge alerts the president, who orders a remote detonation of the bomb, which, as the thing starts counting down and the colonel flying the shuttle tries to follow orders from below but gets confronted by none other than Harry, leads into a pretty tense standoff. In the end, however, Harry convinces the colonel to trust him, that he's never missed a drill depth in all his years of drilling, and they HAVE to give it a go to save Earth, or they're all dead.
The colonel and his subordinate disarm the bomb (NASA attempts to sabotage the process earlier, but the president's men eventually clock in to that, too) and the drilling continues. Though someone REALLY needs to tell Rockhound to get OFF the nuclear warhead. NOW.
But of course, because this is a disaster movie, they lose their drilling armadillo and are basically right back to square zero by the time AJ & Co show up with the second one, though now they're down to their last pieces of equipment and they don't have any more wiggle room, so it's go time. This is also where Harry finally lets go and allows AJ to call the shots, which enables them to reach the necessary depth, successfully completing the mission.
Oh, but wait! It's not over YET.
In one last ditch effort, the asteroid (apparently unhappy with what's going on) almost kicks the lot of them off, but while most of them manage to survive (these movies never did worry about killing characters off at the time) the remote detonator on the nuclear warhead is dead.
Translation: someone will have to stay behind and activate the bomb by hand.
Straws dictate it should be AJ, but Harry switches places with him and packs him on the shuttle, telling him to take care of his daughter, whom he also says goodbye to in a videocall.
I'm not crying, I have allergies, okay?!
Once the shuttle takes off, you might think Harry won't be able to pull the trigger because the asteroid's gravity field seems to be trying to drill its own holes, but Bruce Willis comes through and the thing slices neatly in half - and we also get a sneak peak into what he sees just before he dies, which is his daughter, first the little girl he used to push on a swing, and then the young woman she is when she walks down the aisle to marry AJ.
Returning home, everyone is beyond happy to be back on solid ground, and the women in their lives come rushing in to shower them with affection. AJ hands Truman Harry's badge from the NASA uniform, something Truman himself has always wanted but could never actually become an astronaut because of medical issues.
And with a fly-by in the missing man formation in honour of Harry's sacrifice, the movie shifts into its very last scene, the wedding of AJ and Grace, where you can see photos of their fallen comrades set side-by-side with those that are still living, a memory to cherish forever.
THE END!
Whew.
This, along with Pearl Harbour and Titanic, is the kind of movie I usually only allow myself to watch once a year, because SERIOUSLY, the amount of tears I shed whenever this hits the screens is unbelievable. I'm sure critics today would find something or other to tear it apart, but it's aged surprisingly well for being over 20 years old, and honestly, an asteroid on its way to Earth will probably never NOT be relevant. I also kind of like that I now understand ALL the different references made in the movie (like Star Wars and Captain America) as opposed to when I first saw this as my much younger self, haha!
The cast gives stellar performances infused with a lot of dry humour, making you laugh, making you cry, and making you wring your hands in complete desolation as you watch them try to drill that damn hole in the middle of space.
And as my dad mentioned just yesterday, the soundtrack helps ABUNDANTLY, because the notes hit all your emotions, making you feel whatever's happening on screen.
All in all, this is a movie that's a must-see for pretty much any movie fan. I bet there's something in it for EVERYONE, whether it's the hilarity of trying to wrangle up the oil drillers, or the complete insanity with orders coming from Earth to a place those on Earth can't even see and don't know anything about what it's like there.
Not to mention the love story. Because, like the poster goes: this one is for love.
For honour.
And for all mankind.
Amen.
xx
*images and video not mine
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