"We must fight together now ... or die."
Hello everyone!
Winter is here.
No, I mean, it's LEGIT HERE.
Not many people have missed the second episode of the Game of Thrones final season this weekend/Monday (depending where you live), so I'm going to bet that pretty much everyone knows what I'm talking about .
After all, there's really only one Night King.
And he means business.
With basically a third of the season already over (ZOINKS!) you best believe that it's not going to ease up any time soon.
There's too many people still alive, after all.
Brace yourselves and sound the horns; A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms has arrived.
The link to my premiere recap and review can be found down at the bottom of this page, as per usual.
"You make me sing and I'll gut you like a fish."
But for an overall sort of generalisation: we only have Winterfell this time around, location-wise. And I mean, that's pretty much the best thing the producers could do, considering nobody, and I mean NOBODY wants to watch Cersei drink wine down in King's Landing while the Night King is basically camping outside the Stark stronghold.
If you've managed to survive through the hauntingly beautiful 'Jenny from Oldstone', I salute you, and welcome you officially to this recap.
"Turning it over to our judges ..."
Episode two continues pretty much where the premiere left off, aka Jamie Lannister was probably frog-marched into the main hall of Winterfell to stand before the pannel of judges. Unfortunately for him, none of them have the all-bite-and-no-bark approach like Len Goodman, because he's staring at Dany, Sansa, Bran and Jon, with Tyrion acting as a sort-of in-between.
Varys, it should be noted, doesn't have much to say on this matter, nor has he actually opened his mouth a whole lot since coming to the north. Self-preservation, or the writers not knowing what to do with a character that's supposed to be all-knowing now that they have Bran?
"Don't touch my bling."
I digress (but also, side-note: I do believe Ice has now returned to Winterfell; it was melted and reforged into two swords, one carried by Brienne now and the other I THINK carried by Jamie).
Our celebrity judges roast Jamie slowly, pulling all his past sins and crimes into the open and airing them out like the dirty laundry they are. For those of you who don't remember well, let's start with Kingslayer and end with attacking Ned Stark in the streets, all happening either prior or during the first season.
Jamie's slightly insulted; that was, like, YEARS ago! He's got 99 other problems by this point, and his past crimes really aren't among those.
"Guys ... seriously."
Dany and Sansa almost agree to stop the slow roast and toss him to an actual inferno when Brienne of Tarth makes a sudden, fan-favoured reappearance.
Many have missed the 'Big Woman a la Tormund' in the premiere, but here she is now, garbed for battle, loyal to Sansa ... and defending Jamie when Tyrion's defense sort of falls flat, considering Cersei did not, in fact, send her army north as she promised (and as Sansa already pointed out to Tyrion as a given).
There's something to be said about loyatly in knights. And are those sparks we see coming from Ser Jamie?
"I think it was a solid 8."
In any event, Jon Snow commits his first faux pas against Dany when she pointedly defers to the Warden of the North as last judge (Bran kind of doesn't count), and he calmly explains they need every man in the coming battle, which tips the scales in Jamie's favour (even he can't believe his luck!) and probably elevates Jon in the eyes of everyone except the Queen.
Chill Dany; you'll be able to burn stuff soon, I promise.
What's more, Jon beats feet out of there before said Queen can speak with him in private, avoiding her eye, which probably sends a whole lot of bells ringing inside Dany's silver head, but I mean, men, right? Can't live with them, can't live without them sometimes, but they always do something to drive women crazy.
"This is why I'm not the big brother."
So basically, Dany is pissed off beyond belief, and naturally she takes it out on the first one she can: Tyrion. She insinuates that his days as her Hand will soon be over, although thankfully there are other more level-headed people on her inner council, because Jorah Mormont goes to talk to his Khaleesi and put some sense back into her thick head: she needs Tyrion more than she needs Jorah, because Tyrion Lannister remains probably the smartest person in all the Seven Kingdoms.
And before all you fans out there start shouting Sansa's name: Sansa does not deserve that title. Not by a longshot.
Jorah is fair enough to admit that it hurts because he can't be the Hand, but also that he's not the best person for the job. He can, however, offer some advice, as a Northerner himself (who knew this would be where they'd end up, huh?), trying to rein Dany back in because she's spiraling. Like a child who's been promised a shiny new toy and that promise has been prolonged and prolonged, she's starting to throw tantrums because SHE WANTS IT NOW. Jorah might be the only one at this point who can safely pull her back without ending incinerated or just extra crispy.
"Still got it."
While he's trying to talk some smarts back into the Queen, Jamie does his own little bit of soul-searching by visiting with Bran in the Godswood, where he finally apologises for tossing the kid out the tower window. Bran being Bran - like many of us predicted - is totally cool with it.
Three-Eyed Raven perks beat working legs, after all.
Jamie joins the long line of people who generally have no clue what Bran's about and don't try to understand him anymore, and goes to find the person he can probably talk to without feeling like he's in the Twilight Zone: he thanks Brienne for standing up to him, admits that he's not the fighter he used to be, but that he will fight under her command if she'll allow him to join the left flank.
"... coocoo?"
After the baffling exchange of WE'RE NEVER CIVIL AND NO I DON'T WANT YOU TO INSULT ME, Brienne agrees and goes back to teaching Podrick Payne some more survival skills, while every fan around the globe is probably thinking the same thing.
Jamie, when Tormund sees all these moon eyes being thrown around, you won't have to worry about the one hand you have, it'll be your neck on the line.
But we still have some ways to go before Tormund enters the scene, and before that we have to backtrack to the advice Jorah gave Dany off-screen: namely, she needs to play nice with Sansa or at least attempt to, or else there could be trouble.
"Who are you and what have you done with my Jorah?"
It's natural that Jorah would be the one giving this advice since, as a Mormont and a Northerner, he knows the ways of the land, but also he probably still feels at least a shred of allegiance to the Starks who command his family. It's much easier to say you hate someone when you're worlds and oceans away than it is to say it in their ancestral home when all you've known for years is obediance to them.
But, back to the point, Dany does indeed seek Sansa out, interrupting some last-minute preparations for the upcoming siege, and everyone collectively holds their breath as the two women sit down opposite one another and lay all their cards on the table.
Dany: You don't like me very much.
Sansa: My brother isn't thinking with the right head when he's around you.
Dany: He dragged me up here to this freezing dump when I could have been sunbathing down south!
Sansa: ... Okay, I could've been nicer and said hi when you knocked on the door.
Dany: True, but I mean, gotta hand it to Jon, right?
Sansa: At least his heart's in the right place, I suppose.
Dany: If only he were taller ...
"Listen, he's really not as tall as he says he is ..."
Game of Thrones is RUNNING with these fan jokes this season, because we've all noticed just how much tinier Kit Harrington is in comparison to Jason Momoa.
Still, the conversation stalls at the most pertinent question of all: what happens to the North after Dany takes the Iron Throne? She wasn't here to win it back for the Northerners, they did it themselves. What's the endgame?
Just like that, all the sisterly bonding goes out the window and the acting was BEAUTIFUL in this scene as Emilia and Sophie's faces go from all-smiles to all-freeze, and Dany pulls her hand away from Sansa's abruptly (side note, I am LOVING Sansa's pseudo-armour costume this season).
Before either one of them can scratch the other's eyes out - and leaving every fan frustrated beyond belief - they're interrupted with the news of Theon Greyjoy's arrival.
And can we all just admit we cried when Sansa hugged Theon tight?
🎵Turn around bright eyes ...🎵
These two Ramsay Bolton survivors know what time it is, and Sansa might not have escaped Ramsay if not for Theon, after all, so seeing him alive and well is something she'll hold close to her heart and cherish until the end of days. Also, is it just me or were there sliiightly romantic vibes when they were eating together there at the end? Just me? Okay, fine.
One other beat in this scene: Dany's expression when Theon defers to Sansa, and their reunion. I think our Dragon Queen is beginning to realise she needs to keep cultivating those good vibes and good relations, because otherwise she's in trouble. Whether or not she does it remains to be seen.
Meanwhile, all this happy-happy continues in the courtyard where I got the fright of my life when Jon went in to greet Edd and Beric Dondarrion as they finally rode into Winterfell, and Tormund came at Jon like a tank. I swear, this guy has a one-track mind though, because as soon as he delivers the news that the Night King is almost here, he asks about the Big Woman. Why hasn't Jon eyerolled yet? We're all doing it!
"The things I do for a paycheck."
The Northerners are pulling together, but the Southerners are fracturing ever so slowly, as Missandei and Grey Worm talk about leaving Westeros after the war is over to return to her home in Naath, taking the Unsullied with them to protect the peaceful country.
Dany my girl, you'll be losing a lot after this war, and you don't even know it ...
At the Council of Elrond war council, the commanders and anyone who knows a shred about fighting and tactics gather to discuss what, exactly, they'll do once the Dead show their faces. They can't really defeat the lot of them, but if they can take out the Night King they have a fair shot. How, though?
Easy, says Bran, you use me as bait at the Godswood. He'll come for me.
Say what now?
And here at last we finally get an answer to what the Night King wants: endless night. Forgetfulness. Because what is the Three-Eyed Raven? He remembers. He has access to all that has come to pass before, thus keeping it all alive, and keeping the world moving, as it were. And why does the Night King want everyone else dead, as well? Well, you're the sum of your memories. If you're gone, your memories die with you ... Endless night is death.
MORBID ALERT!
The Bran Solution is the best one they have, which obviously means no one's happy with it; Theon volunteers to defend Bran with the Ironborn who came North with him, and Jon agrees that he will be somewhere close, but not too close (probably with a dragon). Dany sends Tyrion to the crypts, saying his intelligence is of more value than his brawn in battle, and Jorah tries this same approach with Lyanna Mormont, but only one of them is lucky.
Lyanna, as it so happens, isn't going to cower anywhere, regardless what her cousin says.
IT'S A GHOST!
And since Jorah isn't going underground either, Sam approaches him with the sword of House Tarly, Heartsbane, made of Valyrian steel, and gifts it to the former knight in honour of Jeor Mormont, Jorah's father, who taught Sam what's right and what's wrong, and taught him how to be a man. (The admission that he can't keep the sword upright was also kinda cute)
Sam keeps going with the steam coming out from his ears as he, Edd and Jon think back on their time in the Night's Watch, standing on the battlements and staring out into the night; after all, Sam was the first one who killed a White Walker, figuring out what's deadly to these zombies.
But the most important lesson of the hour is that the three of them survived through it all. They lived, y'all!
Elsewhere on the walls, the Hound is having some sort of communion with his wine skin, and he might have spent more time with Arya who comes a-visiting if Dondarrion didn't choose that moment to pop up, prompting the Hound to promise him a swift and non-refundable death over the wall if he starts preaching. Arya leaves the two of them to it and goes to find Gendry, who finally made her that weapon she wanted (a double-edged bo staff thing), previously explained she needs to not consider herself invincible against the White Walkers in some weird foreplay-thing, and the two of them go at it because Arya doesn't want to die a virgin.
I skipped this scene as soon as those words were out of her mouth, because ... yeah, no, I didn't need to see THAT.
But you know what I DID need to see?
"Big battle tomorrow. Let's get drunk."
The little wake between Tyrion (who sat and listened to Bran tell his life story earlier), Jamie, Brienne, Podrick, Davos and Tormund, who get together to tell old war stories (including but not limited to Tormund being adopted by a giantess if that's to be believed), drink, and wait for the impending attack. They're also gifted by a song from Podrick (I swear, what CAN'T this kid do?), and Tormund gets his long johns in a twist because Brienne explains women can't be knighted.
Jamie's with Tormund on this one, however, reminding us that, supposedly, he is still the Commander of the Kingsguard (is he? I can't remember) but most importantly a knight, and that all you need to knight someone else is a knight ... so he bids Brienne kneel, and to the cheers of the men she finally rises as Ser Brienne of Tarth.
WHOOP WHOOP!
"Arise, Ser Brienne, Knight of the Seven Kingdoms."
Everyone's hunkering down to prepare for the battle to come (and Davos probably needed an extra stiff drink because of the little girl he served broth to who said she wants to fight like her brothers, but thankfully his conundrum was solved by Gilly who gently convinced the kid to go to the crypts by telling her she and her son need a protector), and Jon is staring broodily at the statue of Lyanna Stark when Dany finds him. She finally has him cornered where he can't just run off, and it's time for some truth.
Jon: Sweetheart ... I'm your nephew.
I mean, Jon puts it better than that, but Dany's disbelief is so clear you could see it from Mars, and what's more important is the expression that crosses her face when she realises Jon is the direct male descendant of House Targaryen, basically a trump card she can't beat, even with dragons, because ... primogeniture.
"I thought you loved me for my hair!"
Things might have gone down the drain with alarming speed if not for a horn that changes everything, but unlike at the Battle for Helm's Deep this one doesn't announce the arrival of allies. Up on the battlements, the view is pretty clear as the defenders look out across the landscape at the future racing towards them head-on.
"L'oreal. Because you're worth it."
xx
*poster image and video not mine, screencaps by me
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