"A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away ..."
Hello everyone!
This is where the opening notes of John Williams' Star Wars title theme start playing, and yellow texts unrolls in front of your eyes so you can read up on all that's been happening in a galaxy far, far away while we were waiting for the next instalment.
And yeah, okay, this is also where I admit that I was kind of waiting for the right moment? I guess? To watch this movie.
Not sure if this is the one, but on Sunday afternoon I thought to myself 'You know what, now you're just stalling' and popped the play button on Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, or, as it's alternately known, the penultimate film of this sequel trilogy.
At least, I THINK that Episode IX is supposed to be the very last one, but who am I to know?
In any event, it's time to hold on to your lightsabers, because we're about to make the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs while we review Star Wars: The Last Jedi.
As always, blog posts related to this universe can be found at the bottom of the page.
Because first, let me tell you, the advertising for this movie was SURREAL. I mean COME ON they rotated the ads on our television stations that NEVER show these kind of things (and I will forever remember the day when my father, a self-proclaimed anti sci-fi loyalist, saw the mini Porg next to Chewbacca and sputtered: What the bleep is that small thing next to Chewie?!). Disney rolled out those awesome/scary red-tinted posters and you knew they were going to make it big.
And, uhm, it kind of was?
Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the movie - but there were a couple of things in there that jarred me so much I was kicked out of movie enjoyment and into movie scowling.
I digress.
The Last Jedi picks up pretty much where The Force Awakens left off, which is to say, the Rebels are desperately outgunned by the First Order and Rey is still holding out that lightsaber over to Luke Skywalker on a planet in the middle of nowhere.
But my first reaction to the entire movie was "Ohmygod they got even bigger ships and - wait. Is that an X-wing?"
Because, of course, Poe Dameron, the hero of the Resistance and probably the best pilot in the Galaxy now that Vader/Anakin's gone and Luke's nowhere to be found, picks his own David vs Goliath fight when he hovers in front of a dreadnought (the big ass ship) and hails the bridge to ask for a "general Hubbs". Technically, it's General Hux, but while I'm thinking Poe might have just lost a couple of marbles since the last movie, I click into the fact that he's probably just stalling Hux pretty good - and I mean, everyone and their mother on that command bridge knows it, too, but Hux is a bit too busy boasting how he's going to crush the Rebels to notice that ... well, the Rebels kind of ran off while he was boasting.
And after that, Poe calmly goes after all the surface canons on the dreadnought, as you do, while heavy, slow Resistance bombers approach to destroy it.
General Organa gives the order for a retreat, but Poe ignores her and, by the time the Resistance jumps to hyperspace, I'm sitting here thinking, Poe boy, you gonna get it when you come back to Leia because you lost a heck of a lot of people out there in that attack (and was I right? Of course I was right. Leia slaps him so hard Poe probaby saw stars for the next five minutes afterwards, because YOU DON'T GET YOUR GENERAL'S PEOPLE KILLED WHEN SHE GIVES AN ORDER OTHERWISE, MORON).
Moving along, the rebels might feel safe in the middle of being super-fast, but the First Order is actually tracking them at hyperspeed, which means they can follow them, which also means Kylo Ren/Ben Solo leads another attack on the Resistance forces.
Only, he kind of hesitates to fire on the main ship, because being the Force-sensitive boy that he is, he feels his mother's presence - but his men don't have the same compulsion so BOOM goes the command bridge, killing off many (including Admiral Ackbar! IT'S A TRAP!) and sending Leia out into space to float off.
But does she?
Nope. In the first of those jarring moments I mentioned, not only does Leia NOT die in the blast, but she actually wakes up in space, and floats back to the half-toasted Resistance ship, where she then collapses and is incapacitated for most of the rest of the movie. This kind of felt like that weird floating sequence in Young Victoria right before Victoria and Albert dance the waltz, equally as unrealistic, even if we consider Leia's Force sensitivity, but I've never heard the Force gives you oxygen too ...
Anyway, while Leia's out of commission, Vice Admiral Holdo is promoted to leading the rest of the Resistance forces (and I feel it was comically cute that Poe thought it would be him, after Leia actually demoted him; such a sweet summer child). However, her passive leadership, aka, not really giving anyone an inkling of what she's going to do, pisses off Poe - and me.
Look, guys. I agree with a number of others online who will defend, to their last breath, that Poe Dameron was wildly out of line and Holdo wasn't really obliged to tell him anything, especially after his demotion. BUT.
There's always a but.
Her own strategy was nowhere near as brilliant as she thought it was. Her orders to simply 'keep ahead of the First Order until we run out of fuel' didn't really inspire confidence, and as a soldier under her command, I'll admit I would've been worried, too. Like, uhm, lady, are you gonna get us all killed or do you have a plan or what? People say she did things right - I disagree. Her own forces were trying to secretly abandon ship because she gave them no hope and NOTHING, and not only that, but further on along the line this sparked a mutiny on the bridge. This does not a brilliant leader make. If you're a leader, you're supposed to MAKE SURE THE PEOPLE SERVING UNDER YOU DON'T WANT TO LOCK YOU UP TO TAKE CHARGE. Her following actions did nothing to redeem her in my eyes. As someone who was introduced as a brilliant strategist through the eyes of others, she gave a piss-poor performance when it really mattered, and Leia going along with this was just absurd. At least with HER we'd have known, or those in the know would have known, that there was salvation coming. As it happened, really, Holdo and Leia have only themselves to blame for the spectacular fail of the plan.
But moving on, let's leave the Resistance floating away from the First Order for a bit while we catch up with Finn, who woke up and was leaking all over from tubes sticking out of him when Poe decided to find him some clothes.
Poe also decided, after the Holdo passivity debacle, to send Finn, BB-8 and mechanic Rose (sister to a deceased bomber) to disable the tracking device the First Order has. And I have to rewatch this movie to figure out how this tracking device even works and how they were able to track the rebels to begin with. Anyway.
Finn - still mooning over Rey - goes along with this, since he was intially going to desert anyway and go after his girl, and he and Rose land on a casino-like planet to find a hacker who can get them past all the mumbo jumbo of the Order (information which came from Maz, while she was being badass and shooting people). This then gives us some sad sequences about how the people profiting from war are honestly just weapon dealers, and then Finn and Rose go on to destroy the place, pretty much, while BB-8 hooks up with their would-be hacker and I sit there thinking did anyone ever explain how they got to this hacker when they were supposed to get someone else? Are there more people who know about this stuff? Or did that flower brooch just get stolen and the hacker they found was actually theirs? Rewatch.
While this is all happening, Rey's been following Luke around his little island refuge and had Chewie kick down the door because Luke was being an idiot. She gets him to train her, but as she discovers more about the Force, she realizes there's something dark calling to her on the island, and she does go explore it, with no visible result since she doesn't get to see her parents (hint: they were nobody).
Also, for some inexplicable reason, she now shares a connection with Kylo Ren, causing the pair of them to be able to communicate, although she seems to be stronger than him as he can't see her surroundings, or maybe that's the power of the island she's on. In any event, the two start to form some sort of weird attachment (and I give a whole lot of NO NO NO when a shirtless Kylo stomps around) she doesn't tell Luke about. But Luke finds out about it anyway, and through all this back and forth, we learn why he's in exile: he discovered that Snoke (Supreme Leader, natch) was corrupting Kylo and drawing him to the Dark Side, and for a moment he contemplated killing his own nephew, but what happened was that Kylo went into survival mode, destroyed the New Jedi Order, and went dark.
Now Rey is convinced she can turn Ben Solo back to the Light if she goes to him, against Luke's wishes, and just as Finn and Rose are caught trying to destroy the tracker, Rey arrives so othat Kylo can deliver her to Snoke. Because, you know, master-puppet.
With most of our heroes all glum and arrested, Poe's got a better shot at some survival since, if you remember, he mutinied against Holdo when she finally revealed her "brilliant" plan, which was to send survivors to an old Rebel base on a salt planet and hope to draw the First Order's fire to the remaining big ship. Of course, this is when Leia wakes up while Poe is desperately scrambling, and stuns him, after which we're meant to believe the women actually like Poe even though they have a very poor way of showing it (can you tell I'm really unhappy with this whole Holdo-Leia thing?).
Anyway, because of this spectacular disaster, it goes further as Poe radioed what was happening to Finn, and the master hacker betrayed said plan to the First Order, so now Hux is just going to destroy the rebels on the planet's surface (this could all have been so easily avoided it's insane). Finn and Rose aren't giving up without a fight, however, and neither is BB-8 their little helper, and they give Captain Phasma a fiery death while they escape to rejoin the rebels.
In Snoke's private rooms, he miscalculated in getting Rey to his side, and getting Kylo to kill her, because Kylo kills HIM, and then he and Rey fight off the red-armoured soldiers together. But afterwards, Rey realises that Ben Solo is truly dead, because he wants her by his side, in Supreme Leadership together, while her heart is set on helping the Resistance. So naturally they try and Force-pull Anakin Skywalker's lightsaber, which blows up in half, though that does help Rey escape.
On the ground in the bunker, it's the last stand for our heroes (Holdo sacrificed herself in some attempt at redemption or whatever the plan was, but I truly don't care at this point) when a big-ass battering canon (who needs rams anymore) is brought out. Poe demonstrates he's learned his lesson in this silly character arc they wrote out for him when he calls off a suicide attack on the canon, making Leia proud and stepping up as leader. Finn is all about disobeying the order but Rose saves him and is deadly wounded herself, but luckily Rey arrives to draw the air forces away with the Falcon and to later dig the Rebels out from under a rockslide by using the Force.
As for Kylo Ren, well, he gets the shock of his life when Luke appears to fight him (and to apologise to Leia, not to mention get whistled at by R2-D2). I figured out something was going on when all the blasts in the world and Kylo's temper tantrums (seriously, how will he be the Supreme Leader with those? Although tossing Hux around is kinda fun to watch ...) don't kill him. But when he leaves no indentation on the salt as he turns around, demonstrating Jedi agility, I knew something was up.
Kylo's fighting a Force projection! And it's a distraction so the rebels can leave on the Falcon. Rey closes off the Force connection between them while both she and Leia feel Luke becoming one with the Force (also, his 'See you around, kid' is a rather nice nod to Ben Solo's father, Han). It was bittersweet to see Luke watch his last sunset, conveniently a double one, as his first was also a double on Tatooine.
So now the last Jedi Master is dead - but, as pointed out by a giggling ghost Yoda who took the time to zap lightning around and prove that CGI still has no idea how to do a good green little thing - it's what, or who, we leave behind that counts. The Resistance has everything it needs: the spark of hope, and the last Jedi, in Rey. And we also know a Force-sensitive child is still on that casino planet.
The end!
Whew, what a ride. Did we make it in less than 12 parsecs? I think it felt a bit longer. But I have to admit that I thoroughly enjoyed Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher's performances, because they hammed it up for the camera and ENJOYED it, you could see it clear as day. Whether or not that was the end goal for everyone, though, remains a mystery. The kiddos still have some way to go, but I've already said my piece about what annoyed me in this movie. But I'll admit to being kind of bummed that most of the questions from Ep VII were sort of ... ignored, I suppose. Coincidence or purpose? Now the stage's set, as Gandalf would say: the pieces are moving. The Resistance is going to try and snuff out the First Order, and my money is that Kylo and Rey are going to duke it out for supremacy in the end. Whether or not either of them lives, however, is a different matter entirely ...
While we wait for answers to some of the questions opened in this movie, remember: the Force will be with you. Always.
xx
*images and video not mine
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