Review's Resort: Talkie Tuesday: The Witcher

"Never lost, always found."

Hello everyone!

And welcome back!

I know, I know, I literally fell off the face of the planet.

Here's the thing: my keyboard died. Yep, I killed it, and then once I took the laptop in for fixing, Slovenia experienced some truly horrible flooding (think New York current levels) which delayed the repair as the spare parts got lost somewhere in the waters or something.

Then, to top it all off, I started a new job, which took some getting used to (since, while I usually got up at 4.30, I now have to rise at 3.30 if I want to be there when we open at 5!).

BUT suffice to say that we have now persevered, and the trials are over.

Which means we can sit back and have a look at something that's been finished for a while but, I am DETERMINED to have the entire thing which I've covered so far on here, as I won't be continuing with season 4.

Henry Cavill was my Geralt, so one last time: The Witcher.

Links to previous related posts (aka how Geralt finds himself in the role of reluctant father and generally doesn't understand why everyone on the Continent isn't as grumpy and mono-syllabic as he is) can be found at the bottom of this page.

And yes, I do still plan on finishing the Blood of Elves book. Someday.

In the show, however, we wrapped up the first five episodes with Geralt held at knife-point by Graham McTavish's character as the Thanedd Coup is underway, where a group of mages want to expose the other mages working for Nilfgaard.

Geralt, not being an idiot, goes with Dijkstra but leaves his sword behind, which when spotted by Anya Chalotra's Yennefer means she knows something's up and she can escape through some hidden passageways to make straight for Ciri.

Freya Allan's character wakes up with a premonition about what's happening and hightails it out of there before she can witness Jaskier (Joey Batey) channeling his inner uncle by telling Radovid he knows EXACTLY what the other man was doing, won't stand for it, and has a job to do which doesn't include sleeping around with him.

Ciri and Yennefer reconnect, while Geralt ends up breaking Dijkstra's leg on his way out even as Elven forces attack the school of Aretuzza. Tissaia learns just how badly she mistrusted Vilgefortz (Mahesh Jadu) and calls upon a last-resort sort of spell (the kind that literally rains lightning down upon her enemies).

This is witnessed from afar by our trio of heroes, since Yennefer portalled Geralt up to the two girls when Rience attacked them, in a neat trick during which she sends the sword forward, Geralt grabs it, and bye-bye fire-fucker.

Ciri sends Yennefer back for Tissaia, understanding what the other woman means to the mother the girl has come to know, so they go separate ways ... which obviously goes well.

Not.

Geralt tells Ciri to go on alone when his medallion alerts him to danger, and then goes to duel Vilgefortz, losing rather spectacularly and being left for dead in the waters at the base of Tor Lara.

Yennefer reaches Tissaia and the remaining mages (previously in-fighting, but now collected to stand against Nilfgaard) gather together to regroup. It's Triss who Yen sends after Geralt, however, and Triss who drags his sorry ass to Brokilon Forest to heal after Tor Lara explodes.

Why does it explode, you may ask?

Well, Ciri runs inside, Vilgefortz hot on her heels, and while he's there giving his grand evil speech about how only he can help her, she sort of becomes one with the monolith inside the tower and activates it, thus teleporting herself into the desert, in the middle of nowhere.

As our heroes try to find their footing after this Empire Strikes Back moment, Yennefer goes to Brokilon to heal Geralt, but not before travelling to Redania to Vilgefortz's lair (filmed in my home country of Slovenia, at Predjama Castle) where they undo the spell on those poor girls and bring them to Aretuzza to rest.

At which point, Tissaia commits suicide in the same ways Yennefer once attempted to, and Geralt tells Yen that she's the one they need to lead them now.

Meanwhile, Ciri is having visions or desert-induced illusions about different people from her past, attempting to come to terms with all that's happened, and being guided by the spirit or illusion of Falka: a mortal princess with the same power as Ciri who was doomed to be called a monster by her own people because of fear and prejudice, and ended up becoming exactly what they always said she was.

She encourages Ciri to cut everyone loose from her life, even Yennefer and Geralt, but Ciri refuses, instead tag-teaming with a unicorn she names Little Horse to make her way across the desert, until the point when she's taken captive and brought back to sort of civilization.

This is also when news travels that Nilfgaard apparently has Cirilla of Cintra, which will mean political upheaval as Cintra is the gateway to the rest of the Continent ... and Nilfgaard's expansion won't be stopped there.

Yennefer is desperate to reach the convoy first, so she and the surviving mages swear to continue Tissaia's work, but in their own fashion, while a healed Geralt, now once more accompanied by Jaskier, is also headed in the same direction, finally shaking off some of the guilt and baggage he'd been carrying around since season one of the series, leaving Renfri's medallion there in visual representation.

And as we finally get to see the Cirilla whom Emhyr welcomes back - realizing it's that one girl Geralt managed to rescue from Vilgefortz, though I'm wondering how the heck she ended up BACK with the freak - the real one escapes her captivity with a little help from a group of misfits called the Rats, joining them under the name of "Falka".

"Falka" promises pain and retribution to those who hurt her and hers. Yennefer is leading the mages, on a quest for Ciri. Emhyr is celebrating his supposed win, not knowing Vilgefortz has his own plans and duped him.

And as for Geralt ...

"If you manage to get to Nilfgaard before I do, you tell that fuck Emhyr that no matter his armies, no matter his walls, I WILL free Ciri."

Dun dun DUN!

Whew, what a ride it's been.

As I have no vested interest in Liam Hemsworth as Geralt, no offense to the man himself, this is where I leave the franchise, at least the televised version. I may continue with the books, if I can get past the stump I'm currently in, we'll see.

But overall, I enjoyed this ride, though will admit that this second half of the season felt both rushed and slow at the same time, the CGI was slightly painful to watch, and some things were obviously meant to simply be intuited rather than explained.

Particularly, I do agree that the Yennefer and Ciri relationship suffers GREATLY from the misses since season two, and there isn't enough time in season three to rectify all those previous errors.

However, without the basis of book knowledge, I can say I'm reasonably intrigued by the politics (especially now that Radovid is somehow king, something he never wanted, the poor guy, lol) and kind of want to see how this all unspools, what Vilgefortz's ultimate master plan is, and all that.

Nothing is strong enough to draw me beyond Henry though, since he was the reason I started watching in the first place.

So the show, for me, ends on a mid-note - it was enjoyable while it lasted, corny at times, occasionally bad, but highly entertaining at least at pertinent points.

For the very end, I leave you with some lyrics by our very own resident bard, foretelling just what the Witcher might do to rescue his Child Surprise:

Ride, Witcher, ride, with the wind that moves the trees;
Ride, Witcher, ride, for the child of destiny.
Ride, Witcher, ride, bring the storm that sets her free ...

*images and video not mine